Audiobook Narration via Twitch/YouTube Coming Soon!

I’ve decided I’m going to try something new this week. Once my Blue Yeti microphone arrives, I’m going to begin narrating short stories first, then full-length novels while streaming on Twitch. You can find my channel HERE.

Once the stream is done @ Twitch, I’ll upload it to YouTube.

Keep in mind that I am not a professional voice actor, so it might take me a bit to hit my groove. Because of this, I’m going to start with some shorter stories such as “Dragons Are Not Your Friends” and “Bears Are Not Your Friends Either.”

And I’ve also created a couple of very, very awful pieces of art for these two stories just so you have something to look at while listening to my terrible, nasal, annoying voice!

Art skill is definitely NOT my friend…

Why does this weird bear have a rifle and a camera???

Stuff Goes Here

Hey! I heard I had a couple of books that were being offered for free at Amazon today. I also heard one of my paid books is priced at $.99. You should check it out. It’s the only way you’ll get enough evidence to convict me in a court of law (in America, at least).


Some Goofy Writer’s Books or Something That You Should Avoid

Sharknado – Ultimate Entertainment Experience!

Boy. I don’t know what to say. My wife Carly and I just watched SyFy’s super-mega-ultra-awesome new movie “Sharknado”.

For those of you not paying attention to EARTH in the last few months, this movie stars Ian Ziering (90210) and Tara Reid (tabloids?). The plot is that a few super-tornadoes apparently spawn over the ocean next to Los Angeles, and somehow suck up 2,348,003 sharks of various, man-eating types, and begin to wander all over Los Angeles destroying things while the sharks that are rotating around inside…eat people.

Now, I did miss the first hour of this Emmy-Nominated (my own personal fantasy here, carry on) masterpiece, so I might have missed a lot of the important plot bits. The second half though, was a %@#$#@ ROLLER COASTER OF PLEASURE for my brain.

Wife too, Carly loved it. She spent the last hour of the movie (basically from the instant we turned it on) alternating between raging at the television, to screaming at the television, to one time standing straight up off the couch and screaming “THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN!!!”

Now, to be fair, it COULD happen. She doesn’t believe in the power of sci-fi like I do (hence why she’s a history teacher and I’m a writer). IT COULD happen that a dude could push a young woman out of the way of a shark that has just fallen out of a raging tornado (I’m assuming an F4 or F5, they were huge) straight down, mouth-first, started up his chainsaw, and dived off the pavement straight into the shark’s mouth.

Two minutes later, Carly topped her previous amount of disbelief when the dude CUTS HIS WAY OUT OF THE SHARK. With his chainsaw. Not only that, he rescues a helicopter pilot’s girlfriend (?) that had been eaten by the same shark not TEN minutes earlier while they were a thousand feet in the air flying right on the outer edge of one of these sharknadoes. The shark literally flew out of the sharknado, snatched this girl from the passenger seat of the helicopter, and then I guess disappeared back into the raging sharknado.

You guys…it was so awesome. I really wish you all had been there. There are no words to describe it properly…

It makes me wonder sometimes…WHO WRITES THIS SHIT???? And how the hell can I get hooked up with SyFy to sell a story like this? I have one of those ‘plot wheels’ just like SyFy does…you know, the one with the three wheels and you spin each one and write a story about whatever topics match up.

I just spun mine, and my next story is going to be about a congressman who is actually an ancient spider that has called his alien brethren back to Earth so they can devour human blood of their victims that have been falsely convicted of terrorism and sent to Guantanamo…

I’ll let you all know if SyFy bites on this. I really, truly don’t understand how they couldn’t!


PS It came on again two hours later, and we watched the entire thing while I live-tweeted it…amazing…