Are You Ready? (to publish…trust me, this joke got old quickly which means you don’t have to see it again anywhere in this book)

Hello. My name is Travis Hill. I’m a self-published author. You might know me from my memorable roles as “That loser that thinks he’s a writer” and “If I published something as bad as Mr. Hill’s book, I would probably cut my own head off and mail it to my worst enemy to let them know I am no longer a threat to them or anyone else.” If that sounds a little brutal and grim, self-publishing might not be for you. Because I’ll be honest, sometimes you’ll run into a pack of wild animals known as ‘reviewers’ who don’t have your best interests at heart. They say they do, but it’s only after they scatter from your bloody corpse when the authorities arrive that you realize they only wanted the marrow in your bones, not the words on your pages.

Now, this book isn’t about how terribly mean and nasty book reviewers can be. If you haven’t published anything yet, you haven’t felt the wrath of a bad review. Maybe you’ve watched other authors have their mountains of gold-plated skulls flattened by a scathing review that went well beyond criticism and almost ended up being evidence in a criminal trial as a threat/promise. Yeah. That’s pretty scary stuff. But you know what? Get used to it. I’m not going to try and say you will get one of these per day (unless you are me, it’s like someone posted a sign on my back that says “SEND ME HATEMAIL AT ANGRYDOUCHE@GMAIL.COM BECAUSE I’M A DOUCHE”), but at some point as a published writer, especially a self-published writer working the flea-market stalls of Amazon, iTunes, Barnes & Noble, and such, you WILL get one of these reviews. And some hatemail.

Thick skin is not only your best friend, it is your ONLY friend as a writer. Let’s take a look at my world, and if it doesn’t scare the ever-loving shit out of you, then you will probably be ready to finally hit that PUBLISH button and rolls your own dices. Continue reading →