Avatar – The Review

Enter the second major plot hole: Jake Scully. His brother was an avatar controller who died. Some other human shot him from what we are told by Jake himself as he narrates at the beginning of the movie. Oh, it was his twin brother by the way. Now, Avatars are linked to their controllers by DNA, which doesn’t really make sense, and isn’t really explained as to why this is. A cursory explanation is given, but like the previous bit of plot hole, it is glossed over quickly because it apparently doesn’t really move the story forward. You can imagine though that if this was a movie adapted from a proper novel, there would be plenty of explanation, which of course would involve science, but that would puzzle and probably even anger Americans since you know…we hate science, and can’t be bothered to learn any of it. If you don’t believe me on this, just ask yourself why about half of America somehow believes the Earth is only 6,000 years old even though there is overwhelming scientific proof that the planet is at least 4,000,000,000 (that’s four billion you numpties) years old.

Jake is a Marine. Well, an ex-marine since soldiers typically can’t be very useful or effective when they don’t have use of their lower extremities, and our hero Jake is of course a paraplegic who can’t use his legs. Now, don’t get me wrong, but I would think that in a future where we can travel light years beyond earth and inhabit strange alien worlds (and rape their resources!), and even better, create clone-vat alien beings that resemble natives and inhabit their bodies via remote neural interfaces…you’d think they’d be able to quite easily restore the use of one’s legs with some quick Star Trek type surgery or therapy. Right? Amirite?

All of the other avatar controllers have spent years studying the Navi and learning to control avatars. Jake however, has never bothered to crack a book (a very thick book that Grace, played by Sigourney Weaver, has written and is shown during a later part of the movie) about the Navi. He doesn’t speak their language, he doesn’t know diddly-squat about controlling avatars, and he’s generally clueless about anything that doesn’t involve the military. So in the wisdom of the Company, and since his DNA is a perfect match for his brother’s avatar, they ship him off light years and thrust him into a situation where he’s responsible for billions of dollars of hardware, software, and wetware (flesh-ware if that serves you better). Basically they are putting a noob into a billion+ dollar flesh avatar and expecting him to not screw everything up. Hey, this is fucking HOLLYWOOD man, shit doesn’t have to make too much sense does it? Nope.

Of course Grace, the lead Avatar researcher or whatever she is, is a very angry, demanding, chain-smoking woman who resents Jake showing up out of the blue, without an inkling of what he is supposed to do. She’s mean and bitter towards Jake right off the bat. And of course, the instant Jake links with his avatar, he completely screws up and runs out of the lab, knocking all kinds of shit over and making everyone around him very unhappy as he suddenly is able to use his legs again! Yes, it is charming that a cripple is thrust into a situation where he has use of limbs that have been broken and wasted for who knows how long previously (we aren’t told). But another plot hole is quickly brought to the front, as during his initial outing, Grace shows up with a smile on her avatar’s face, tosses him some purple fruit, and suddenly they are buddies. Wait…I thought she was pissed off and bitter and resentful??? Especially after he bounds out the door within sixty seconds of linking to his avatar. *sigh*

3 thoughts on “Avatar – The Review

  1. Do comments finally work? Does the pope shit in the woods? If a tree falls in the forest will it kill the pope that is shitting in the woods? Find out this and more at 11 on WEAK, Idaho’s #1 source for bullshit, made-up news.

  2. Travis, time for you to join American Morons Anonymous: you tell readers if they “haven’t bothered to learn proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling, I will probably post it for everyone to read so they can see exactly why Americans are some of the dumbest morons on the planet.” In the same breath, you commit the unpardonable grammatical sin of using “as” in place of because or since: “I decided I had better sleep on my thoughts before I wrote out this review, as if I wrote it last night immediately after watching it, you would be reading a review filled with about 95% curse words” – you have the double whammy of “as if” tripping the reader. Beware: the grammar police may come steal your Zebra ink refills.

    • Didn’t you see the badge on my page? I’m not just a member of American Morons Anonymous, I’m the founder, CEO, and vice-president. And executive chef. And… a security guard named Jack? Okay. I’m also a security guard named Jack. Cool!

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