{"id":976,"date":"2015-09-11T00:43:14","date_gmt":"2015-09-11T06:43:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/?p=976"},"modified":"2015-09-11T00:48:49","modified_gmt":"2015-09-11T06:48:49","slug":"exchange-rate-7-allyson","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/?p=976","title":{"rendered":"Exchange Rate: 7-Allyson"},"content":{"rendered":"

Exchange Rate: 1-Jeff<\/a>
\nExchange Rate: 2-Allyson<\/a>
\nExchange Rate: 3-Jeff<\/a>
\nExchange Rate: 4-Allyson<\/a>
\nExchange Rate: 5-Jeff
\n<\/a>Exchange Rate: 6-Jeff<\/a><\/p>\n

\n

7 \u2013 Allyson<\/h2>\n

\u201cFull name?\u201d Dr. Mahesh asked, her pen pressed to the sheet in the manila folder, eyes on Allyson.<\/p>\n

\u201cL\u2019Tasha Allyson Mosley.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAge?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFifteen.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAddress?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c1126 North Clark Circle in Borah.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cL\u2019Tasha, do you know why you are here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s Allyson.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy name. It\u2019s Allyson. No one here calls me L\u2019Tasha.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr. Mahesh frowned. \u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause it\u2019s too black.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI see.\u201d The doctor wrote notes on her intake sheet, glancing up every few seconds to gauge the teenage girl\u2019s interest in what she was writing. Allyson stared ahead, but it wasn\u2019t a glazed, fixed stare, the kind she\u2019d seen too many times from patients who had threatened or attempted suicide.<\/p>\n

Allyson finally looked over at the doctor behind the desk. \u201cDo you?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cAllyson, I\u2019m an Indian doctor in southern Idaho. When I\u2019m not at work, I wear a plain sari and receive odd and sometimes unpleasant stares from others. On special occasions, I wear a Paithani, a special, very colorful sari with little bits of cosmetic glass and beads. I imagine that even you would stare at such a sight.\u201d Dr. Mahesh\u2019s voice was soft, her accent very light, and her expression was one of genuine sympathy. \u201cI\u2019m too dark,\u201d the doctor continued, looking down at her hand, \u201cso I have a good idea of where that leaves you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Allyson wanted to be angry with the woman. Dr. Mahesh was Indian, not black. Everyone expected Indians to be smart doctors, or at the least, hard-working convenience store owners. She came from a privileged family, no doubt. Full ride scholarships through medical school were rare. Allyson wondered if the doctor\u2019s parents had worked until their fingers or their toes bled just to put their daughter through eight years of school, or if they had simply written a check to the university each semester.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you planning to hurt yourself again?\u201d Dr. Mahesh asked after the silence had stretched to almost a full minute.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy did you want to hurt yourself tonight?\u201d<\/p>\n

Allyson laughed without humor. \u201cWhere would I even begin? Your shift ain\u2019t long enough, Doc.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHave you ever attempted to harm yourself in the past? Thought about it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWho hasn\u2019t?\u201d Allyson asked. \u201cAre these questions you have to ask, like it\u2019s a law or something?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy do you ask?\u201d Dr. Mahesh looked up from her notes.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m just saying,\u201d Allyson said, shrugging and looking at the far wall. \u201cWhat kid my age hasn\u2019t thought about it at least once? If you\u2019ve had the same experiences as me, then you know what it\u2019s like to be fifteen and different when all you want to do is fit in and have the same kind of friends everyone else has. These are stupid questions, is all.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr. Santhi Mahesh remembered seventh grade, her weird Indian clothing, her funny accent, her dark skin separating her from the majority of her classmates, the specific shade separating her from others with dark skin. Hispanics wanted nothing to do with her. The black girls had been merciless to her. Even others descending from the Indian subcontinent had snubbed her. They\u2019d been born in America. They spoke perfect English and Hindi. The fact that Santhi also spoke Bengali and Punjabi earned her a derogatory nickname, her cultural peers accusing her of being uppity.<\/p>\n

\u201cI agree,\u201d Dr. Mahesh said, closing the manila folder and laying her pen on the desk. \u201cThe question is, do we need to intervene? We can\u2019t just let you go so you can jump from a bridge again.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not doing that again,\u201d Allyson said with a shiver.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut we don\u2019t know that,\u201d Dr. Mahesh said. \u201cTell me what happened that led up to this, and what happened tonight, so I can make a proper recommendation for your treatment and release.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow long am I going to have to be here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you have to have this mandatory evaluation. I can recommend you be held for up to seventy-two hours for observation before I have to petition for your involuntary admittance.\u201d Dr. Mahesh frowned. \u201cBut an evaluator from Health & Welfare can drop the mandatory hold we have on you if he or she feels you truly aren\u2019t a threat to yourself or others. Of if your parents demand your release.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo it\u2019s the welfare guys I need to lie or pretend to so I can get out of here?\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr. Mahesh leaned forward. \u201cAllyson, you seem like a very intelligent young woman. You can lie to me and to the evaluator. I won\u2019t even argue against it if you do. But you won\u2019t be getting the help that you need. You\u2019ll simply be back on the street and having to face the same problems that put you in the chair you are currently sitting in.\u201d The doctor leaned back and scowled even more deeply. \u201cNext time, there might not be someone there to catch you. Or maybe you slip before anyone even knows you are gone.\u201d<\/p>\n

Allyson glared at the doctor. She didn\u2019t want to sit in a loony bin, doped up on anti-psychotics that made her into a drooling zombie. She didn\u2019t want to sit around in a circle and listen to everyone else\u2019s problems, and she especially didn\u2019t want to have to tell anyone else hers. The man, Jeff, had saved her life. Something had changed in her when he pulled her to safety. Allyson Mosley wanted to live, but she didn\u2019t want to live at the Snake River Psychiatric Care Center.<\/p>\n

\u201cThink it over, Allyson,\u201d Dr. Mahesh said, rising from her chair.<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s it?\u201d Allyson asked. \u201cAssembly line doctoring? I get seven minutes of your time and I\u2019m shoved out the door?\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr. Mahesh said back down. \u201cI assumed you didn\u2019t want to talk. It\u2019s after three in the morning. I\u2019m here until seven, and you\u2019re most likely our only intake tonight.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2026\u201d Allyson was caught off guard, expecting to be shrugged off, the doctor making an excuse to get back to her erotica novels or TV show or whatever she did during the dead hours of a typical graveyard shift. \u201cI\u2019m not sure where to start.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow about start with today. Tonight. What made you decide to walk out onto the bridge?\u201d<\/p>\n

Allyson talked to Dr. Mahesh for more than an hour. She only cried once, and that was only when she told the doctor about how her hands and feet had slipped from the pole and she had begun to fall. Her face was blank stone at every other detail, from her worthless, abusive father, to the constant fights that would erupt into screaming matches with Steve, almost always ending with her mother punishing her either physically or emotionally. Allyson confessed that the worst abuse she received was whenever her mother would threaten to ship her back to Florida to live with her father. Words couldn\u2019t describe the betrayal that she felt knowing her mother would choose to send her back into an extremely violent environment just to be free of the burden, so she could focus even more attention on Steve.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

\u201cGoddamn it, Allyson,\u201d Maralyn Mosley hissed, feeling her hand twitch as if on autopilot and ready to to slap her daughter. \u201cWhat the fuck is wrong with you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHi, Mom,\u201d Allyson said, her expression cold. \u201c\u2018Hi, honey, we were so worried. We didn\u2019t realize your life was so screwed up that you\u2019d try to kill yourself.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

Allyson\u2019s mocking tone made her mother\u2019s hand rear back from her lap. Steve reached out and gently grabbed his wife\u2019s wrist, giving it a squeeze to remind her they were being observed by two doctors and a nurse from across the waiting room.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh good God, Allyson,\u201d her mother said, trying to keep her voice from rising. \u201cYour life is so hard. You\u2019ve got a roof over your head, clothes on your back, and food to eat. We let you do\u2026 this,\u201d she said, gesturing to her daughter\u2019s hair, \u201cand put that shit in your face. What more do you want from us?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAllyson,\u201d Steve said, crouching down next to his wife, \u201cI\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cShut the fuck up, Steve,\u201d Allyson said sharply. The doctors and the nurse were staring at them, whispering to each other. \u201cYou don\u2019t get to say shit.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou ungrateful little bitch,\u201d Steve shouted. \u201cI work my fuckin\u2019 ass off for you and your mother! So your lazy ass can sit around and watch TV and whore for boys on the\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHEY!\u201d Dr. Mahesh\u2019s voice pierced through the family\u2019s shouts. The little doctor\u2019s voice was surprisingly clear, full of authority that was used to being obeyed. \u201cI will ask you to leave if you cannot keep from shouting at each other.\u201d<\/p>\n

Allyson, her mom, and Steve exchanged hateful stares, but all three kept their voices down until Dr. Mahesh returned to the desk on the other side of the room.<\/p>\n

\u201cListen, Allyson,\u201d Steve said, using his smooth voice, the one he used when he talked her mom into doing whatever he wanted. Allyson wanted to kick out with her foot and knock the smug, in-control look off his face, but knew it would only make things worse. \u201cWhat\u2019s the problem? Is someone picking on you at school? Just tell me who it is, and a few of my friends will pay them a visit.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t just suddenly act as if you give a shit,\u201d Allyson said, glancing at the doctors before looking at her mother\u2019s husband. Allyson would never, ever call him stepfather. She\u2019d die before ever calling him dad. \u201cAnd what are you going to do? Go beat up a bunch of high school kids?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, what did you do to them to make them come after you?\u201d her mother asked, the accusation in her voice clear.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t do anything to them!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou must have done something,\u201d Maralyn said. \u201cNo one just picks on you for no reason, Allyson.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWho was it?\u201d Steve asked again. \u201cJust tell me one name and I\u2019ll make sure he tells everyone else.\u201d Steve\u2019s expression relayed the fun, the glory he\u2019d have at beating up some high school kids with his buddies from work. He looked at her, his mouth curling into a snarl. \u201cDid they call you that word?\u201d<\/p>\n

Allyson hated the man, but the one thing she couldn\u2019t hate was his distaste for anyone hating another because of skin color. Soon after Allyson and her mom had arrived at the Greyhound station in Twin Falls, Steve had gotten into two fights and almost a third, all people that he knew well, had known almost his whole life. Steve\u2019s friends either kept their racist jokes and comments to themselves from that point forward, or they were no longer friends with Steve Chambers, married (dating at the time) to a black woman. The jokes and snide comments Allyson had overheard from Steve\u2019s social circles had dried up, but she knew better when it came to the way they talked whenever Steve and his African wife and African stepchild weren\u2019t around. Allyson wasn\u2019t big enough, tough enough to fight grown men, or even three high school girls at once.<\/p>\n

\u201cJanelle Peterson,\u201d Allyson said, not answering his other question. He already knew the answer to it.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d Steve asked, confused at hearing a girl\u2019s name.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou let a girl bully you so bad you wanted to kill yourself?\u201d Maralyn asked, her voice full of disbelief. \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you kick the shit out of the little white bitch?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause that solves everything,\u201d Allyson said, feeling the tears welling up at what she was going to tell them next.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt solves letting your ass get beaten up until you want to jump from a bridge. Toughen the fuck up, Allyson.\u201d Her mother\u2019s words were full of loathing.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t fight three of them at once!\u201d she said, her voice rising. She saw Dr. Mahesh take a step forward in her peripheral vision and held up hand to let the doctor know everything was okay. \u201cI can\u2019t fight every girl in the school except Rosie.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat did you do to get three girls beating on you at once?\u201d Maralyn asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cJesus Christ, Maralyn,\u201d Allyson said, her teeth grinding together so she wouldn\u2019t scream in her mother\u2019s face. \u201cWhy is it always my fault? Is that how disappointing I am to you? That three girls kicked the shit out of me in the gym and it\u2019s my fault? Don\u2019t you even want to know my side of it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure it will make you look like an innocent angel, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

Steve licked his lips then opened his mouth to say something, but Allyson cut him off.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo the color of my skin is something I can control? Well Hall-a-fuckin\u2019-luja.\u201d Her voice began to rise again, this time both doctors walking toward them. \u201cHow about you take me to whatever clinic that can change my skin color then? Make me white like everyone else! Then maybe they\u2019ll leave me alone! How the fuck am I supposed to not be black?\u201d<\/p>\n

Steve shrank back at her screaming fit, but her mother leaned forward, mouth open to reply. Maralyn clamped her jaw shut when Dr. Mahesh stepped in front of her, cutting off her view of her daughter. She looked at the lab coat next to the short Indian woman and saw a tall man that had a mobile phone in one hand, thumb poised over the screen.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou need to leave now,\u201d Dr. Mahesh said, not moving when the girl\u2019s mother tried to lean around her. \u201cNow.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFine,\u201d Maralyn said, standing up, practically towering over the smaller woman. \u201cWe\u2019ll be taking my daughter home with us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m afraid that isn\u2019t possible,\u201d the doctor replied, her voice businesslike.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy the hell not?\u201d Steve asked, regaining his alpha male persona. \u201cShe\u2019s our daughter. You can\u2019t hold her here against her will. Or ours.\u201d Allyson wanted to laugh at the smug, almost lawyerly look that was plastered on his face, as if he\u2019d just presented the smoking gun to a jury.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can if she is a danger to herself or others,\u201d Dr. Mahesh said, not even looking at Steve. Her eyes were locked on Maralyn\u2019s. \u201cAllyson,\u201d the doctor asked without looking at her, \u201care you feeling like you might hurt yourself or others?\u201d<\/p>\n

Maralyn\u2019s scowl, which had been focused on the Indian woman, shifted to her daughter. She tried to force a smile, but could feel her lips locked into a straight line.<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you let me out that door, I\u2019m going to kill myself.\u201d Allyson held her mother\u2019s stare for a few seconds before adding, \u201cI\u2019ll stab myself in the neck and choke on my own blood with the first pencil or knife or broken bottle I see.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou little bitch,\u201d her mom said, barely more than a whisper.<\/p>\n

Dr. Mahesh grabbed Allyson by her arm and led her away. The male doctor blocked any attempt to follow them, his thumb still poised over 911. Allyson looked back once before being guided down a hallway. Neither her mother nor Steve looked concerned in the least. They looked angry, their accusatory stares meant to shame her, belittle her. Instead, Allyson felt her own anger, and a new feeling, one that had been absent before Jeff had talked her out of letting go: resolve.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Allyson looked up when she heard the door open. Dr. Mahesh entered the observation cell and walked to the end of the cot that looked straight out of an old prison movie. The doctor stared at Allyson for a while until she became uncomfortable and sat up. Dr. Mahesh sat at the end of the bed and looked at the teenager in the dim, diffused overhead lighting.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry that you have to stay in this observation room until your twelve hours is up,\u201d the doctor said softly.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s okay,\u201d Allyson said, hugging her knees. \u201cIt\u2019s better than going home.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe problem is, you\u2019ll have to go home eventually.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHow long can you hold me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause of your professed suicide threat, seventy-two hours.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe same as before,\u201d Allyson said, exhaling loudly.<\/p>\n

\u201cUnfortunately.\u201d Dr. Mahesh\u2019s face looked old and sad in the muted lighting. \u201cI can recommend to the Health & Welfare advisor to get you enrolled into a thirty day inpatient program.\u201d She put her hand on Allyson\u2019s forearm. \u201cYou\u2019ll still have to go home, but it\u2019s thirty days, maybe thirty-two or three if we stretch it out. Maybe after thirty days you\u2019ll feel better. Maybe after thirty days, they\u2019ll feel better.\u201d<\/p>\n

The doctor\u2019s unspoken accusation was loud and clear to Allyson. Thirty days would give her a chance to get her jumbled thoughts in order, to decide what she wanted to use her newfound resolve on. The end result was getting the hell out of Idaho, but that was two and a half years away when she turned eighteen and could go and do as she pleased. Thirty days, not even thirty months, she thought to herself, would be enough change her mother or Steve. She\u2019d have to learn to deal with them the same as she\u2019d have to learn how to deal with her classmates. Allyson decided to use some of her resolve to not let anything another person said divert her from her goal.<\/p>\n

\u201cSure,\u201d Allyson said, smiling, \u201csign me up. What\u2019s the food like?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not that simple,\u201d Dr. Mahesh said, removing her hand. Her voice became businesslike, the same as it had been in the waiting room. \u201cThe advisor has to deem it necessary to enroll you in the program. They\u2019ll look at your family\u2019s finances, and if your parents can\u2019t afford it, the state will pay for it, since it is a medical necessity.\u201d Allyson gave her a confused look. \u201cYou said yourself, if we let you out, you\u2019ll harm yourself. We need to keep you here. Your parents will have to pay the state back, but they\u2019ll be able to do it in payment plans.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLay-a-way psychiatry,\u201d Allyson muttered. \u201cThat will go over real well.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe it will be a lesson that they have learned? To listen to their daughter?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSteve\u2019s not my father,\u201d Allyson said automatically. \u201cHe\u2019s not even my stepfather. He\u2019s my mom\u2019s husband. Maralyn\u2019s husband.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI see,\u201d Dr. Mahesh said gently. \u201cIf they harm you or threaten you, there\u2019s always foster care.\u201d Dr. Mahesh\u2019s tone let Allyson know what she thought of the foster care system. \u201cYou don\u2019t really have a lot of choices, Allyson. I still think you\u2019re a smart young woman. Life is never easy, but if you can tough it out for the next couple of years, you\u2019ll see that things get better. You\u2019ll thank me one day for telling you this. Every day, you\u2019ll thank the man who saved your life once your life starts to improve.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr. Mahesh felt uncomfortable, embarrassed, at her speech. She\u2019d seen hundreds of patients in her four years at SRPCC, and used to give the speech to everyone that sat across from her during the intake interview. She hadn\u2019t given her little speech in almost a year. There didn\u2019t seem to be a point in it for most of her patients. There didn\u2019t seem to be a point in it for the young girl next to her on the observation cot. Maybe this one is the one it will work on, she thought, feeling a smile cross her lips. Dr. Mahesh reached out and squeezed Allyson\u2019s wrist then stood up.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll start the paperwork for Dr. Jansen on the next shift. He\u2019s a good man, and he\u2019ll understand. When the evaluator comes to see you, just be honest. Don\u2019t overact or exaggerate. They usually don\u2019t question our requests for emergency inpatient treatment. The state doesn\u2019t like to be sued if a patient is let go instead of being admitted and hurts himself or someone else. Get some sleep. I\u2019ll see you in twelve hours.\u201d<\/p>\n

The click of the door closing was followed by silence. Allyson laid back on the cot and stared at the baffles that diffused the lights behind them. She glanced over at the observation window, then up to the camera in the ceiling, before turning on her side to face the wall. Thirty days, she thought. She fell asleep quickly. Instead of dreaming of falling into the canyon, she dreamed of Jeff and his family. They seemed so happy as they chatted and laughed during a backyard barbecue. Allyson was happy too. None of the guests stared at her. No one whispered behind a hand near her. No one was afraid to sit next to her, to touch her, to listen to what she had to say.<\/p>\n

Exchange Rate: 8-Jeff<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Exchange Rate: 1-Jeff Exchange Rate: 2-Allyson Exchange Rate: 3-Jeff Exchange Rate: 4-Allyson Exchange Rate: 5-Jeff Exchange Rate: 6-Jeff 7 \u2013 Allyson \u201cFull name?\u201d Dr. Mahesh asked, her pen pressed to the sheet in the manila folder, eyes on Allyson. \u201cL\u2019Tasha … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[7,6,5],"tags":[584,23,528,26,112,582,74,39,581,75,73,93,69,580,586,68,34,38,135],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/976"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=976"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/976\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":981,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/976\/revisions\/981"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=976"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=976"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=976"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}