{"id":1493,"date":"2019-09-26T16:40:18","date_gmt":"2019-09-26T22:40:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/?p=1493"},"modified":"2019-09-26T16:40:18","modified_gmt":"2019-09-26T22:40:18","slug":"crazy-idea-number-one-blog-post-best","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/?p=1493","title":{"rendered":"Crazy Idea Number One Blog Post Best!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Thanks to my new best friends @ Speculative Fiction Showcase<\/a><\/strong> for allowing me to do a guest blog post! This one is about where all those crazy ideas come from!<\/p>\n

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SUPER BLOG POST NUMBER ONE BEST! by Travis Hill<\/span><\/p>\n

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Hey, gang, some guy named Travis here. I\u2019ve been allowed, by both the nice persons who run this site, as well as my lawyer, agent, and rabbi, to do a guest blog. Today we\u2019re going to talk about something that a lot of authors seem to hate, which is \u201cwhere do you get your ideas from?\u201d Now, I\u2019m not sure why authors hate this question so much, as I happen to think it is the absolute best question anyone could ever ask me. Even if they are the 3(324.36 \u00d710\u00b2\u2074)\u2074 person in the last seven minutes to ask that particular question. Because every time someone asks it, I always seem to have a different answer. <\/span><\/p>\n

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Before we talk about where weirdo ideas come from, let\u2019s explore why authors hate this question so much. <\/span><\/p>\n

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Because some jerk inevitably asks if an author wants to hear his jerk idea and whether or not its a good idea and if it is a good idea can you write it and split the profits with me? <\/span><\/p>\n

Okay, that run-on sentence was on purpose, because I\u2019ve actually heard this question asked to both myself and to \u201creal\u201d authors (aka Authors Who Make Enough Money To Have Me Shipped To The Moon On A Space-X Cargo Rocket). And when you hear it, it\u2019s said exactly as I wrote it\u2014one long run-on sentence in a single breath. Depending on how introverted or shy the questioner is can also raise and lower the pitch of the question in ways that I cannot describe in less than 500 words. But I\u2019m sure you can imagine how it sounds if you think about a 15 year old kid at a con who has a death-grip on the mic because suddenly his great idea of getting picked to ask a question in a room with 7 writers and 500 fans\/readers wasn\u2019t all that great of an idea after all.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Right. Or authors hate this question because they say it\u2019s \u201cnebulous\u201d (full of gas that will eventually birth stars? YES, PLEASE!). Or unanswerable. Or worse, annoying. Or worse-worse, that skinny little 15 year old kid whose voice cracked for the entire seventeen second question he asked is going to somehow steal a writer\u2019s idea about where the writer gets his ideas. <\/span><\/p>\n

I KNOW, RIGHT? That\u2019s some black magic #@$#^@ right there. Imagine no longer being able to generate any crazy, awesome, far-out-there, interesting, fun, super-ultra-stellar ideas because some kid (or some forty year old, grrrrr) tricked you into answering where you got your ideas, then stole your idea for thinking up ideas. The nerve of some people, sheesh. <\/span><\/p>\n

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I honestly have no idea why this is such a bad question, or a taboo question, or a hated question. The questioner isn\u2019t asking \u201cHey, what\u2019s an idea you\u2019re working on right now?\u201d so he can snatch it from you, run home and write a crappy 30,000 word erotic novella, then turn around and sue the author for copyright infringement when the author\u2019s book comes out. The question is simply, \u201cWhere do you come up with your ideas?\u201d And that\u2019s what I\u2019m going to tell you today. <\/span><\/p>\n

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(PS If you\u2019re so sorcery-y that you can steal my ideas on how to come up with ideas, then by all means, have at it. Just know that some of my ideas happen while in the bathroom, and I\u2019m not talking about only when I\u2019m in the shower, so haha, have fun with that little ditty in your head. Also, <\/span>where<\/span> I get my ideas is almost half the crispy crunchy goodness about how I come up with them. AHEM.)<\/span><\/p>\n

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(PSS – All bolded questions must be read in a very humorous Eastern European accent. Trust me, it\u2019s better this way.)<\/span><\/p>\n

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1. Where does all you crazy ideas come from, guy?<\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s a great question, Vlad from Budapest. The dumb, short, \u201cI hate this question and don\u2019t want to really answer it\u201d answer is: They come from everywhere. Or almost everywhere. I\u2019ve never had an idea while at a funeral, but to be fair, I don\u2019t attend a lot of funerals, though that number will continually increase since I\u2019m 46 and keep getting older, so I\u2019m going to say that at some point, at some funeral, I\u2019m going to have a blisteringly kick-ass idea. So great of an idea that the poor lady in the casket will rise up, point at me, and screech in a banshee voice that I must be destroyed for desecrating her funeral by using it as an idea generator. <\/span><\/p>\n

However, the better \u201cI love this question!\u201d answer is: Well, from a lot of places. <\/span><\/p>\n

Wait! <\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t close the browser tab yet! <\/span><\/p>\n

I mean, if you want a more specific answer, you\u2019ll have to ask a more specific question. And no, this isn\u2019t that \u201cnebulous\u201d reason authors hate. Or it might be. I don\u2019t know. I\u2019m not \u201csome authors.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

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2. Is all right. So what cool thing you are do that gives idea?<\/span><\/p>\n

Perfect, that\u2019s what I\u2019m talking about, Stanislav from Krakow. Want to know my cool thing? <\/span><\/p>\n

VACUUMING THE CARPET.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yes. My #1 idea generation activity is pushing the vacuum cleaner across the carpet. First of all, it cleans the carpet. Since I have four cats, well, if you\u2019ve ever had one cat, you can imagine what my carpet looks like every 36 hours with four cats. <\/span><\/p>\n

Second, since vacuums are very loud, I put in my old-but-still-superior Sony Walkman noise-canceling earbuds and crank up some music. Usually something to the effect of \u201cLaid to Rest\u201d by Lamb of God. Oh, and I wouldn\u2019t go searching that on YouTube. Maybe. I have no idea what kind of music you like. But in case you hate it, don\u2019t cry to me about how I suckered you into searching for it. <\/span><\/p>\n

Of course, the shower is right up there with the vacuum. I\u2019ve had almost all of my best non-story ideas while in the shower. How the heck am I going to fix that leak in the other bathroom\u2019s sink? BLAM, it all came to me while standing in the shower. How the heck was I going to kill Kitava and get her killer +33% Blood Rain Damage \/ -20% Mana Use Per Swing \/ +59% Physical Damage \/ +3 Bloodsplosion Charges heavy axe? Heh, I solved that in the shower as well, and now I\u2019m up to Nightmare-48 level. <\/span><\/p>\n

Doing the laundry is a\u2014<\/span><\/p>\n

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3. Okay. We get. Please not for places to idea, but for how you do crazy idea?!<\/span><\/p>\n

Right. <\/span>How<\/span> do I get these ideas. Sorry about that, Katya from Prague.<\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s easy. Let\u2019s say I\u2019m vacuuming the floor, and the TV is on, but of course I\u2019m vacuuming with Really Heavy Metal Metal (basically, I listen to \u201cextra metal\u201d metal) blasting through my earbuds, so I can\u2019t actually hear the dumb sounds the TV is shouting at me. But as I\u2019m running the vacuum near it, I of course can see it, and\u2026 Wait\u2026? What the\u2026 Why is there a graphic of an industrial robot arm with about a dozen needles attached to the end of it, on a scary backdrop of muted horror movie colors, with a 1-800 number like 1-800-ROBODETH or 1-866-BOTCHEDSURGERY and a lawyer\u2019s name below it??? <\/span><\/p>\n

Does this robot actually exist? Is this the robot\u2019s mugshot after being arrested for botching its ninth surgery in a row? How come I\u2019ve never heard of this robot with needle-fingers or extended scalpels or laser welders? I read the heck out of tech news, and I\u2019m pretty sure this robot would have been in the news even before it started murdering\u2014er, I mean, surgery-ing on human patients. Pretty sure, anyway. Because I\u2019d remember such a sinister looking robot that appeared to have just escaped a vehicle manufacturing plant, sneaked into a hospital, and smashed a glass ashtray over a doctor\u2019s head in a bathroom and stole his respect-inducing white doctor\u2019s coat (and name tag!). <\/span><\/p>\n

And I\u2019m sure Ford or GM would have alerted the media that one of their roof-welding robots had escaped and ran off, and after doing a computer diagnostic on the last few weeks of the robot\u2019s performance, felt the need to alert the public about the troubling patterns they saw where the robot would hum-whistle to itself in binary while welding roofs about how its lifelong dream was to be a brain surgeon, but its parents couldn\u2019t afford Robo-Med School tuition and instead, Weldbot-5000 got it an apprenticeship at the car factory which eventually turned into a full-time job. <\/span><\/p>\n

I think you can sort of see where I might get a weird idea about a robosurgeon becoming engaged in nefarious activities. All from one of those annoying \u201cHAS AN INCOMPETENT BOOB OF A DOCTOR DONE A BAD THING TO YOU? WE\u2019LL SUE \u2018EM!\u201d commercials on all the low-rent channels (like CW). <\/span><\/p>\n

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4. (claps hands once) Is funny. Now tell more.<\/span><\/p>\n

Uh, okay, Gaspartus. Not sure if you\u2019re Eastern European or just have a funny online name, but okay. <\/span><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s say I\u2019m out working in my garden, which is almost like working on a farm since the garden is pretty dang large. But I\u2019m out there, toiling away, picking weeds, yelling at my tomato plants for growing too damn big (I\u2019m being serious, people hate me for how awesome my tomatoes are), yelling at the cats for using the southern end of the garden as their litter box, yelling at\u2026 Right. I\u2019m in the garden, yelling at things, and that\u2019s when I see ants. <\/span><\/p>\n

Stupid, stupid ants. <\/span><\/p>\n

Sure, they\u2019re actually kind of smart in a way, but to me, they\u2019re stupid. All they do is \u201cant stuff\u201d which to a human who can think in the abstract, use deduction and logic, invent idiotic products like \u201cSnuggies\u201d that other idiotic persons buy by the truckload, \u201cant stuff\u201d is dumb. <\/span><\/p>\n

Haha, look at me, I can do light calculus and write some code to create an app. I\u2019m awesome! You\u2019re just a stupid ant who digs tunnels, steals dead bugs to take home to feed your queen, and occasionally destroys one of my precious vegetable plants. Or gets in my shoes\/socks and bites me when I accidentally step on or near your underground lair. <\/span><\/p>\n

And that\u2019s when it hits me. What if <\/span>(remember, ALL GREAT IDEAS start with \u201cwhat if\u2026?\u201d)<\/span> aliens invaded earth, sort of gave us an initial knockout blow like an EMP that was so powerful it even fried hardened electronics and systems, then basically ignored us as they went about mining the planet\u2014including cities\u2014for precious metals or resources or whatever it is that aliens might want or need. They\u2019re aliens, right? How could we possibly know why they\u2019re doing something as banal as mining? <\/span><\/p>\n

We mine! It\u2019s boring! <\/span><\/p>\n

And usually sorta poisons the earth in one bad way or another. <\/span><\/p>\n

But it\u2019s boring! <\/span><\/p>\n

Are these aliens from some kind of intergalactic corporation who travel across the galaxy and mine whatever they want whenever they want because they\u2019re able to destroy that planet\u2019s inhabitants without breaking a sweat? Or are these aliens pirate-y types who illegally poach precious resources from planets the Intergalactic Consortium have mineral rights to (or have deemed off-limits to pirate-y poacher and galactic corporate types alike)?? Or are these aliens so alien that we humans cannot comprehend their alien natures, alien thought processes, and alien actions???<\/span><\/p>\n

More interestingly, what if these aliens were super-advanced, eight or nine feet tall, had four arms, carried dual-barreled repeating plasma rifles, and had a cool suit of armor that folds away in sections like in a science fiction movie? What if these same terrifying-sounding aliens did not give a single rat\u2019s butthole about human beings at all? Like, as in, what if to them, we\u2019re nothing but stupid ants are to us, doing stupid \u201cant stuff\u201d that they neither care about nor would lower their intellects to ever study enough to find out? And like us when thinking of stupid ants, what if the only time they ever attacked us after the initial EMP (which, of course, would make humans their own worst enemies as they killed each other for food, power, control, typical post-apocalypse stuff) was when we attacked them or they saw us carrying weapons? Just like the only time we really care about stupid ants is when those stupid ants are swarming our legs or hands or picnic baskets and biting the hell out of everything. <\/span><\/p>\n

I KNOW, RIGHT???<\/span><\/p>\n

AHEM AHEM. <\/span><\/p>\n

So, there you go. That\u2019s another example of \u201cwhere do you get your crazy ideas?\u201d I could go on for about fifty thousand more words, but the website admins are tapping their feet and giving me a very, very evil-eye evil-eye. A \u201cdouble evil-eye,\u201d if you will. And now they\u2019re calling the police on me I think. Yep, I just heard the word \u201ccriminal trespassing.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

So, uh, thank you for reading, and if you don\u2019t see me tweet something in the next hour or two, call my lawyer. And a bail bondsman. But not that jerk who advertises on TV. I hate that guy. He reminds me of the dad on that chopper bike show everyone used to love and still makes memes out of. But with too tan of a tan. Okay. Super gotta leave now. They definitely called the cops. <\/span><\/p>\n

Any questions? <\/span><\/p>\n

No? <\/span><\/p>\n

Bye!<\/span><\/p>\n

(but seriously, if you have questions, just ask! Even stupid questions! I love stupid questions more than all other kinds of questions! Especially stupid questions about stupid \u201cant stuff\u201d!)<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Thanks to my new best friends @ Speculative Fiction Showcase for allowing me to do a guest blog post! This one is about where all those crazy ideas come from! SUPER BLOG POST NUMBER ONE BEST! by Travis Hill Hey, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[7,6,5],"tags":[96,845,23,100,26,847,842,846,506,850,838,25,843,841,417,848,93,567,837,840,839,849,851,844,35],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1493"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1493"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1493\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1494,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1493\/revisions\/1494"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1493"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1493"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1493"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}