{"id":14,"date":"2013-02-01T20:59:11","date_gmt":"2013-02-02T03:59:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/?p=14"},"modified":"2013-02-23T01:42:22","modified_gmt":"2013-02-23T08:42:22","slug":"avatar-the-review","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/?p=14","title":{"rendered":"Avatar – The Review"},"content":{"rendered":"

So I finally sat down last night with my roommate Jeff and watched the movie ‘Avatar’. I decided I had better sleep on my thoughts before I wrote out this review, as if I wrote it last night immediately after watching it, you would be reading a review filled with about 95% curse words and other vulgarities, and about 5%…well, 5% ranting without vulgarities I suppose.<\/p>\n

The very first thing I will say is I don’t know what the hell everyone on earth was smoking when they went to IMDB<\/a> and gave it an aggregate 8.1 rating out of 10. I happen to believe however, that this rating proves exactly why America is considered a bunch of retards, rejects, uneducated primates who will watch anything and like it (like American Idol, Jersey Shore, Toddlers & Tiaras, Millionaire Matchmaker, etc.). I seriously believe that we Americans have almost zero brainpower left as a collective society. We would probably watch ranch animals defecating and consider it to be top-notch programming.<\/p>\n

So, let me break it down as to why I hated this movie enough to write a very long rant\/review that will garner me plenty of hatemail in return. Don’t say you haven’t been warned. I’ll also warn you that if you do send me hatemail and you haven’t bothered to learn proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling, that I will probably post it for everyone to read so they can see exactly why Americans are some of the dumbest morons on the planet.<\/p>\n

Now, before I get into why this movie was horrendous, I will give you something positive. James Cameron is almost always on the cutting edge of special effects, and Avatar’s one shining quality proves this to be true. The CGI effects and the nearly seamless transition from live-action to animation throughout Avatar is simply incredible. Jeff and I both commented that never before have we seen a movie that was rendered so beautifully. The world of Pandora is stunning in quality, if a bit over-the-top. It seems Mr. Cameron tried to stuff every last effect, idea, and background he could into this turkey. Visually, nothing I’ve ever watched can compare. But the reality is that it is the equivalent of seeing a really juicy burger or taco on a fast food commercial, you know, the kind where the tomatoes are deep red, with beads of moisture clinging to their sides, the meat looks edible, almost an artistic masterpiece, with the product resembling a work of art instead of a $2.00 menu item.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

What a Whopper Looks Like On TV<\/p><\/div>\n

Wow, look at that Whopper. Yum…<\/p>\n

But in the real world, this is actually what gets served to you by brainless, uneducated, minimum-wage workers:<\/p>\n

\"a<\/a>

This is what a real Whopper looks like...<\/p><\/div>\n

See, no amount of beauty can make up for the utter disaster that Avatar is. I guess you could also compare it to dating a really beautiful woman with perfect skin, breasts, butt, and then you get her home and find out she has a larger, hairier penis than you do (and a deep man-laugh to match!).<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Onward!<\/p>\n

Let’s start with a quick synopsis of the movie’s plot, just in case you haven’t seen it yet, or you’ve already watched it but are a drooler who couldn’t be asked to figure out the plot:<\/p>\n

America (ok, so maybe ‘Earth’ but of course everyone in the movie seems to be from America) in the future has depleted Earth of most things green, and probably most things oil, steel, oxygen, who knows what. Americans are good at consuming, so this isn’t too far-fetched that we’d consume everything Mother Earth has to provide, and then go ruining some other planet that we could rape for supplies.<\/p>\n

America finds a planet called Pandora that is many light years away (we never know exactly how many other than those on the ship were in suspended hibernation for nearly six Earth years). It seems to be a moon of Jupiter, but not the Jupiter within our home solar system (though it has a ‘great red spot’ or such suspiciously like our own Jupiter). Pandora is a lush, verdant, very green forest world full of indigenous life forms, including at least one sentient species that is humanoid. It also harbors a very valuable mineral called ‘unobtanium’ which is the first real problem with the movie.<\/p>\n

Rant break: Dear James Cameron,<\/p>\n

What. The. Fuck? Unobtainium? SERIOUSLY? Is it a play on words because it is buried under the Navi (the indigenous humanoid creatures whom we will get to in a moment) home base (a giant tree)? I could have come up with an equally ridiculous name. I would have called it ‘bullshitium’ or ‘poweronium’ or ‘supermineralium’. The first time I heard about this movie back in 2009 and the substance called ‘unobtanium’ I knew right then and there that this movie was going to be a huge waste of time, a ridiculous pile of shit that wasn’t worth watching.\u00a0 \/end rant<\/p>\n

So…we have a lush world with a powerful substance that Earthlings will do just about anything to obtain (pun intended?) but cannot obtain easily (assuming we don’t just nuke the area that has it and then mine it in lead-shielded robots…but that would have made a 3 hour travesty of a movie into a 9 minute short film). If any of you with a smidge of intelligence correlate this to oil in the Middle East, bonus points for you I suppose.<\/p>\n

One of the first memorable, if cliche lines in the movie is something along the lines of ‘humans back on Earth don’t like to hear we are slaughtering natives to rape their resources, but shareholders of giant corporations like even less the fact that profit statements might not show the company raking in huge profits’. Sound familiar? Check.<\/p>\n

Earthlings have set up a base on this hostile but beautiful planet to do just that though, rape the environment because profits are more important than anything else in the galaxy. Surrounding this base on all sides is a hostile environment, where pretty much everything wants to kill and eat humans. Oh, and the air of Pandora is toxic to human respiratory systems, but seemingly not to their exposed skin, metals, etc. Ok, so that isn’t so far-fetched I guess, so maybe half a bonus point to the movie?<\/p>\n

Now, the concept is actually a pretty good sci-fi setup. The Navi are much larger than humans. They look different (blue skin, cat faces with wide eyes, three-fingers + a thumb like cartoon characters) than humans but are very much what we humans would consider…humanoid:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Humanoids? Or giant Smurfs?<\/p><\/div>\n

\n
\"\"<\/a>

Here kitty kitty! Wot?<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Ok, so they are giant blue kitty cats, the native top-of-the-food-chain sentient beings on Pandora. For some reason that isn’t explained very thoroughly, though you sort of get a hint of it, humans have decided to create their own Navi in a clone vat, and then have humans ‘control’ them via a neural link interface. Top notch concept honestly, this is one of the rare positives of the movie. However, this soon breaks down because let’s face it, a movie this cliche with more plot holes than a screen door is just begging for sci-fi nerds (like me!) to rake it over the coals. But again, interesting concept for sci-fi….but not one that hasn’t been done before (Google it if you don’t believe me).
\n
\nEnter the second major plot hole: Jake Scully. His brother was an avatar controller who died. Some other human shot him from what we are told by Jake himself as he narrates at the beginning of the movie. Oh, it was his twin brother by the way. Now, Avatars are linked to their controllers by DNA, which doesn’t really make sense, and isn’t really explained as to why this is. A cursory explanation is given, but like the previous bit of plot hole, it is glossed over quickly because it apparently doesn’t really move the story forward. You can imagine though that if this was a movie adapted from a proper novel, there would be plenty of explanation, which of course would involve science, but that would puzzle and probably even anger Americans since you know…we hate science, and can’t be bothered to learn any of it. If you don’t believe me on this, just ask yourself why about half of America somehow believes the Earth is only 6,000 years old even though there is overwhelming scientific proof that the planet is at least 4,000,000,000 (that’s four billion you numpties) years old.<\/p>\n

Jake is a Marine. Well, an ex-marine since soldiers typically can’t be very useful or effective when they don’t have use of their lower extremities, and our hero Jake is of course a paraplegic who can’t use his legs. Now, don’t get me wrong, but I would think that in a future where we can travel light years beyond earth and inhabit strange alien worlds (and rape their resources!), and even better, create clone-vat alien beings that resemble natives and inhabit their bodies via remote neural interfaces…you’d think they’d be able to quite easily restore the use of one’s legs with some quick Star Trek type surgery or therapy. Right? Amirite?<\/p>\n

All of the other avatar controllers have spent years studying the Navi and learning to control avatars. Jake however, has never bothered to crack a book (a very thick book that Grace, played by Sigourney Weaver, has written and is shown during a later part of the movie) about the Navi. He doesn’t speak their language, he doesn’t know diddly-squat about controlling avatars, and he’s generally clueless about anything that doesn’t involve the military. So in the wisdom of the Company, and since his DNA is a perfect match for his brother’s avatar, they ship him off light years and thrust him into a situation where he’s responsible for billions of dollars of hardware, software, and wetware (flesh-ware if that serves you better). Basically they are putting a noob into a billion+ dollar flesh avatar and expecting him to not screw everything up. Hey, this is fucking HOLLYWOOD man, shit doesn’t have to make too much sense does it? Nope.<\/p>\n

Of course Grace, the lead Avatar researcher or whatever she is, is a very angry, demanding, chain-smoking woman who resents Jake showing up out of the blue, without an inkling of what he is supposed to do. She’s mean and bitter towards Jake right off the bat. And of course, the instant Jake links with his avatar, he completely screws up and runs out of the lab, knocking all kinds of shit over and making everyone around him very unhappy as he suddenly is able to use his legs again! Yes, it is charming that a cripple is thrust into a situation where he has use of limbs that have been broken and wasted for who knows how long previously (we aren’t told). But another plot hole is quickly brought to the front, as during his initial outing, Grace shows up with a smile on her avatar’s face, tosses him some purple fruit, and suddenly they are buddies. Wait…I thought she was pissed off and bitter and resentful??? Especially after he bounds out the door within sixty seconds of linking to his avatar. *sigh*
\n
\nBut wait…there’s more! Of course this whole ‘rape the planet of resources’ has a military flavor to it. You can’t just plop humans down on a hostile world and not expect some conflict right? Especially since the sentient natives are hostile, as is every single living ‘animal’ on Pandora. Enter Parker, played by Giovanni Ribisi, as the douchey corporate asshole who runs the show, and Colonel Miles, played by Stephen Lang, the square-jawed jarhead who runs the military arm of the operation. As typical cliche nonsense goes, Parker only cares about profits and probably thinks environmentalism = satanic worship or dope-smoking hippies. The Colonel is so stereotypical hoo-rah as to make you cringe. Yes, he’s a hero who fought countless battles on Earth, and like Parker, he’d rather burn down an entire forest than pick a flower and enjoy the scent.<\/p>\n

\"some<\/a>

Hi, I'm the stereotypical corporate doucebag.<\/p><\/div>\n

\"the<\/a>

You look mighty cute in them fatigues son!<\/p><\/div>\n

Jake Scully is of course, at first, all jarhead and no science. He agrees to help Parker and the Colonel infiltrate the Navi so that later on he can convince the Navi to move their asses out of their ancestral home instead of being crushed under the military might of future-humanity’s war machine. This unobtanium shit must be pretty goddamn valuable. We are never told exactly why it is so valuable, or what it is used for back on Earth, but then again, why muddy up the audience members’ minds with useless nonsense right? AMIRITE???<\/p>\n

Jake, Grace, and some other nerdy avatar controller (who is instantly resentful of Jake as well since nerdboy spent years learning the Navi language and customs while Jake probably killed innocent civilians back on Earth in the name of whatever pro-American anti-terrorist action he was sent off to multiple times) go out on a scientific information-gathering mission. Of course Jake is a smarmy, smart-mouthed know-it-all who carries a machine gun, while Grace and Nerdboy stick needles into tree roots. Things quickly go bad as one of the native animals crosses their paths, and an even more dangerous native predator invites himself into the fray, causing Jake to be split up from the others. Yes, the whole scene was as cliche as you can imagine, but this is just another cliche instance in a movie that is nothing but a cliche.<\/p>\n

Of course the group is forced to return to base without Jake, who stupidly keeps getting himself into even more trouble. I mean, the guy has no fucking clue about anything on this alien planet, and like any good American, figures his machismo and his fighting prowess can resolve any situation. He meets up with the Navi female named Neytiri, who saves his bacon from a pack of wild…dogs? They look suspiciously like Dobermans. She has to kill one and fend off the rest of the pack to save his ass, and of course (a lot of ‘of courses’ in this stupid fucking movie honestly, but that’s the sign of super-cliche ain’t it?) she’s hateful towards him for both being a ‘demon’ inhabiting a Navi body as well as having to murder a creature for reasons other than food.<\/p>\n

Instead of just killing Jake, ending an already awful movie, she lets him tag along for a bit, and we get to see what a moronic, clumsy, idiot Jake is. But suddenly, some semi-sentient floating tree seeds descend upon Jake, and that is a sign that he is ‘pure of heart’ or some shit like that. So she takes Jake back to her village, the World Tree or something like that, and has to convince the tribe that a sign from God or whatever has decreed that he not be instantly killed….and better yet, that he is a ‘chosen one’ who should be taught the ways of the tribe. Even though he really is human, and the Navi know this, and though they are mortal enemies, uh…wot? This movie is starting to make less sense unless you are brainless and cliches are like M&M’s that you can just keep eating one right after another and want more because they taste so good.<\/p>\n

Of course (again! haha) the Navi who is next in line to be the big chief ruler is suspicious and hateful towards Jake. It wouldn’t be a bad cliched Hollywood movie without this plot hole of course. Ma and Pa Navi (the head chief and the spirit-shaman woman, who of course are Neytiri’s parents, can’t go ten fucking seconds in this movie without yet another cliche) think it is a good idea to teach Jake the ways of the Navi, so off we go.
\n
\nNow, a little back-story on the Navi. We are told in the movie that humans have tried unsuccessfully to get these tree-dwelling, mud-eating (they probably don’t eat mud but you know how Americans…er humans feel about ‘natives’ who live backwards lives, I mean, we white Christian European descendants didn’t spend half a millennium killing any natives that wouldn’t wear western-style clothing and pray to our western God for nothing, right?) loincloth wearing savages to go to a human school, learn English, and stop being so goddamned….SAVAGE! But of course, the Navi resisted, and relations broke down (what a surprise…we should have maybe given them a Pandoran version of smallpox blankets or maybe even whiskey, that worked pretty well against Native Americans).<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

At least there's no Kevin Costner...<\/p><\/div>\n

Another thing about the Navi…they seem to be straight out of frontier America. Indians I think is the politically incorrect term, aka Native Americans. They believe in sacred life, nature-as-a-deity, being one with the earth, all that shit that settlers and even modern Americans hate. They yelp like the Indians did in old western black-and-white movies, they ride ‘horses’, use bows and arrows, and have no use for clothing or modern conveniences like microwave ovens and satellite television. They must be destroyed if they can’t be converted. The only thing really missing here was a backstory where Mormon or Christian missionaries tried to convert them (though again, it is hinted at in the movie).<\/p>\n

Ok…still with me? The movie gets even worse…and I’m still only talking about the first 15-30 minutes of a 3-hour agonizing nightmare that I sat through.<\/p>\n

Jake is given three months to convince the Navi to get the fuck out of Dodge by Colonel Jarhead and his corporate lackey Parker. You already know this isn’t going to happen, because you saw the trailer for this movie and saw a huge battle taking place so there’s not going to be any surprises here. Why bother spending hundreds of millions of dollars making this travesty if it didn’t have a huge battle with missiles, airships, flying dragons, etc happening at some point? Yeah, exactly.<\/p>\n

Jake, aka Moron (as the Navi nickname him), works hard at learning the ‘way of the Navi’ over the three months. He evolves from a stupid, gun-toting, shoot-first-ask-questions-later-to-the-cold-dead-corpse marine into somewhat of a touchy-feely hippie. He becomes ‘one’ with the land, the flora, the fauna, the Navi themselves. It wouldn’t be a good cliche if he didn’t earn the respect of the Navi by passing all their tests, so we know that shit happens as well. And another cliche happens of course…he falls in love with Neytiri, the beautiful Navi that rescued him and brought him before the tribe. This is obvious before even watching the movie as well, since you saw the trailer. I mean, it is like James Cameron tried to mash-up Terminator with Titanic and put it on an alien planet. Ok, so he more than tried, he did it. And it is simply, staggeringly fucking RIDICULOUSLY AWFUL. There. I said it. And I’ll probably say it again about 9,000 more times before I’m finished.
\n
\nFast forward a bit to where Jake is running out of time. Colonel Squarejaw and Parker the Corporate Asshole are impatient, and want that fucking unobtainium NOW. Not tomorrow,\u00a0 but NOW. Time’s up Jake. Get those fuckin’ blue-skinned savages to move or we’ll goddamn well move them by firing missiles up their asses until they explode. By this time, Jake has become a full-fledged member of the Navi tribe, banged Neytiri, and even convinced the Navi that Grace should be allowed to come back and do some more research while in her ridiculous avatar (that stands out like a sore thumb because her avatar is the only Navi that wears bright yellow shorts, a Stanford t-shirt, and what looks to be yellow Converse high-top basketball shoes). Who fucking writes this nonsense??? I want to take a hit off your pipe pal, seriously. Good dope like that is hard to come by!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

I get my threads at Hot Topic (Navi SuperMall, Highway 49 in Bristol!)<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

So of course shit doesn’t go the way Colonel Jarhead and pals want it, and they decide the only way they are going to obtain the unobtainium (grrrr!!!!) is to destroy the giant Tree of Life or whatever the hell it is called, murder lots of blue savages, and make their ancestral home a giant open-pit mine. Oh, we are told near the beginning of the movie that under the giant World Tree or whatever, that the largest deposit of unobtainium is of course buried right under that fuckin’ tree. The biggest deposit in…two hundred kilometers or something. So you know, instead of surveying the entire goddamn planet and possibly finding another cache of this substance that could be raped and pillaged without murdering the native sentient species…they just decide to blow up the tree and all that shit. Because killing something is always easier and a more acceptable moral choice than moving your mining machines a couple hundred kilometers down the line. Who the fuck did the initial survey of this planet by the way? We aren’t told there are other deposits of unobtainium scattered all over this huge world, only that the big deposit the humans want is under this one tree. But I suppose anyone with a brain could just assume that a big world like this would probably have more than a single area worth mining. Right? Amirite???<\/p>\n

So Jake first betrays the Navi by telling the Colonel how to destroy the giant treehouse the Navi live in. They show up in force, blow up the tree, kill lots of Navi, and then go celebrate with liquor and sex or something. You know, cheers and slapping each other on the backs\/asses and puffing out their chests because they are big men with big guns and fuck those terrorist savage bastard Arabs…er I mean Navi. Oops, I guess I looked a little too far into the underlying theme of the movie, and suddenly it became about oil in the Middle East? Maybe…<\/p>\n

But then Jake sees the destruction and the pain inflicted on the Navi, and he does an about-face and betrays his own kind, the evil, money-grubbing humans. Wow. NO ONE saw that coming I’m sure. Oh, wait, you saw the previews of the movie too. Ok, well, maybe a couple of us saw it coming then. But of course (again!) Jake has to go back one more time in his avatar and try one last time to convince the Navi that a shitstorm is really coming, that whole blowing up of their sacred tree was child’s play and all that. In doing so though, he has to admit that all along he knew the plan, that he was to infiltrate the Navi solely for the reason of convincing them to get their shit together and move on, and of course (!!!) Neytiri and her tribe are outraged. Now Jake is an outcast, hated by both humans and Navi. Wow. A plot twist that isn’t cliche! Er…wait. Um…wot?<\/p>\n

The Company, they know they can keep Jake from getting into his avatar and screwing things up even more, so they put Jake, Grace, and Nerdboy into the brig, cutting them off from the neural interface, and hence, the avatars. But Michelle Rodriguez, who by the way only plays one part in any movie she is in, which is the tough Latino badass soldier, helps them escape. They run to the hangar and steal a chopper, which is so stupidly cliche as to be almost comical. I mean, the entire fucking base is full of military war machines and super mech robots, as well as soldiers, and yet they escape without anyone chasing them. Seriously. Colonel Hardass kicks out an airlock door and tries to stop them with a single assault rifle, but no other troops are mobilized to chase them down and put an end to their tomfoolery. Wow. Just fucking WOW.
\n
\nThey take their stolen chopper, grab a mobile lab that has the neural interface couches, and move them to some floating mountain area that is called the ‘Vortex’ or some shit, where communications equipment apparently isn’t affected, but all other sensors and scanners and guidance systems and such are completely hosed. Yeah, I’m scratching my head too, but again, of course (!!!) this is Hollywood. They set up base, jump back into their avatars, and run off to help the Navi defeat the evil human bastards. Oh, and Grace is shot during their escape and while the Navi try to use their savage earth-loving, natural tree root networking powers to transfer her permanently into a Navi body…it fails and she dies. Boom. Exit Sigourney Weaver, who was really the only good thing about this movie.<\/p>\n

PS I probably screwed the timeline up a little bit with the escape and stealing the lab and blowing up of the sacred home tree, but Jesus, who gives a shit? It doesn’t really make a difference honestly.<\/p>\n

All right. So…Jake, the outcast of both races, now has to prove to the Navi that he is worthy of their trust. So he goes and tames a giant red dragon and flies it back to the refugee camp the Navi have set up at their even more sacred tree of memories or some shit. Since only true heroes can tame one of these dragons, he is again accepted as a true hero of the Navi and back in their trust. He gives an Independence Day type speech, rallying the Navi to cover the globe and convince all the other Navi tribes to show up and fight a final battle. This is the first we really hear that the main Navi are not the only ones on Pandora. There’s the ones who live on the plains and ride alien horses, the ones who live by the sea and fly mini-dragons…and really not much else. And the numbers don’t jive either. The main Navi apparently are only 200 strong or so, and the combined forces of all the Navi number about 2,000 according to the military report as the final battle is brewing. Wow, 2,000 Navi vs who knows how many humans…and considering that the Navi are backwards savages who ride horses and fly dragons and use bows and arrows, they really don’t stand a statistical chance against the humans who are using modern Earth war machines like flying gunships and such. But of course (!!!) this is Hollywood writing we are talking about, so we pretty much know how this shit is going to turn out.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

All your bases are belong to us!<\/p><\/div>\n

versus<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

nuh-uh! Dragonz pwnz0rz!<\/p><\/div>\n


\nQueue the big final battle. Jake leads his ragtag band of savages against the combined might of military hardware. Of course (!!!) things quickly turn ugly, and the Navi are getting wiped out. But during the big Independence Day speech Jake gave the night before, he asked the ancestral tree of memories or whatever to help him by calling out to all of nature’s creatures to show up and do battle. Neytiri of course informs him that their tree-deity doesn’t choose sides, and won’t help. Of course (!!!) we know this is bullshit, and that all of God’s creatures on the planet will make a dramatic entrance to turn the tide of battle. But that’s giving away the climax too early, so we have to watch a fifteen minute battle first where the Navi are getting their asses kicked, and kicked hard. Michelle Rodriguez sacrifices herself and her chopper, and dies. Papa Navi, the tribal elder\/leader, is already dead (he died when they blew up the giant world tree). The second-in-command guy who hates Jake is now top dog, and back to being pals with Jake, but of course he dies as well during this big battle. He died a hero though, so there’s that.<\/p>\n

Blah blah blah, Jake eventually kicks total ass and blows up the big command gunship, but Colonel Badass jumps into a mechanized robot and escapes before it crashes to the ground. The Navi on the ground are routed quickly by human troops and their mech support, and Neytiri is almost killed. But then, the great Pandora Gaea or whatever answers Jake’s call and sends in her flock…a bunch of giant elephant-type looking things with armored skin that is immune to human bullets…even giant fucking rocket-propelled rounds from the mech machine guns that would annihilate everything else they shot at. Neytiri tames somehow the predator beast that nearly killed Jake back at the beginning of the movie, and does her part helping mop up the humans. Whew! We are almost to the end of this shit!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Heavy metal dude! ~Ted Theodore Logan<\/p><\/div>\n

All of the airships by now are toast, and big losses are being wracked up by both sides. Somehow the Colonel lands on the ground in his big robo-mech right next to the stolen lab that Jake and Grace and Nerdboy were using to control their avatars. He decides of course to go smash the shit out of the lab, knowing that if he does that, there’s no way Jake or Nerdboy can control their avatars, and of course that means instant victory as if it were a video game’s win condition. And like a video game, we of course (!!!) have to have the final ‘boss battle’ between Jake and Colonel Asshole.<\/p>\n

Punch, kick, fight, all that shit, the battle rages on, but of course the Colonel gains the upper hand by smashing the lab which causes Jake to lose control of his avatar and nearly die because remember, he can’t use his legs, so he can’t reach the oxygen mask to keep from dying to toxic atmosphere. Neytiri, in the meantime, was nearly killed and gets caught under the giant predator beast’s corpse and watches helplessly for a bit, but finally escapes and ends up putting a couple of arrows into the Colonel, killing him. She then runs to the smashed lab, puts the oxygen mask on Jake’s face, and saves his life.<\/p>\n

Finally, the next scene is the Navi escorting all of the dirty humans out of their base and back onto an orbital shuttle, effectively kicking their asses off Pandora for good. Or so we are led to believe, which is total bullshit since the humans more than likely wouldn’t give up such a juicy prize like unobtainium so easily, and would more than likely fucking nuke the planet from orbit, then come back and rape the world for everything it had. This is Hollywood we are talking about, and I suppose you have to leave things open for a sequel. If there is a sequel though, I am going to just slash my wrists so I am not tempted to spend another three hours of my life in fucking AGONY watching the most ridiculous movie ever made.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

I prayed for 3 agonizing hours...<\/p><\/div>\n

Oh, and at the very end, Jake goes through the same ceremony that Grace did, but of course, he lives and now inhabits his avatar permanently, so he can be with his true love Neytiri and live happily ever after.<\/p>\n

The End.
\n
\nWhat a fucking CROCK OF UTTER SHIT. My God. This is the guy who gave us The Terminator and Titanic (as much as I hated Titanic, I have to admit it was a pretty damn good movie really). Someone must have clocked Mr. Cameron in the head repeatedly with an iron bar as this tripe is so fucking cliche, so…intensely STUPID, I honestly can’t figure out how this movie ever made it off the cutting-room floor.<\/p>\n

This is the absolute WORST MOVIE EVER MADE. I should sue Cameron for the three hours of my life that I can never recover. This movie is worse than Plan 9 From Outer Space. This movie is worse than Terminator 4. This movie is worse than Batman & Robin. This movie is worse than anything Rob Schneider ever made. It is even worse than anything the Wayan’s Brothers have ever produced.<\/p>\n

THIS IS THE WORST MOVIE OF ALL TIME.<\/p>\n

Yes…even worse than the last three Star Wars movies, which up until I saw this pile of burning garbage, were movies that I had serious doubts about my will to live and nearly offed myself numerous times over.<\/p>\n

I give this stinking heap of retardation a 1 out of 10. It gets a 1 only because again, the CGI\/animation is the absolute most superb I have ever watched. Beyond that, as they say, a polished, golden turd is still a turd.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Yes. You will die watching this travesty. You have been warned!<\/p><\/div>\n

FIN<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So I finally sat down last night with my roommate Jeff and watched the movie ‘Avatar’. I decided I had better sleep on my thoughts before I wrote out this review, as if I wrote it last night immediately after … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14"}],"version-history":[{"count":26,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":22,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14\/revisions\/22"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}