{"id":1355,"date":"2019-05-29T16:53:47","date_gmt":"2019-05-29T22:53:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/?p=1355"},"modified":"2019-06-28T00:49:45","modified_gmt":"2019-06-28T06:49:45","slug":"spirit-guide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/?p=1355","title":{"rendered":"Spirit Guide"},"content":{"rendered":"

SPIRIT GUIDE<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\u201cHey, mate,\u201d a familiar voice said from my left. <\/span><\/p>\n

I looked over to see the garden gnome sitting on the arm of the couch. A sigh escaped me after I blinked my eyes a few times. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGreat,\u201d I muttered. \u201cYou again.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cExactly!\u201d the gnome said without moving its lips. \u201cMe again.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGo away,\u201d I mumbled. \u201cYou\u2019re not real.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure about that?\u201d the gnome asked slyly. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I\u2019m sure.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I reached out to the gnome, sure my hand would pass right through it since it was nothing more than a figment of my imagination\u2014a figment that had followed me around for the last three days after a binge on what I had thought was absinthe at a local watering hole in San Elira. I still didn\u2019t know what I had consumed, but I knew it wasn\u2019t absinthe even if it was the same electric-green color. My fingers bumped up against the solid ceramic gnome, sending it crashing to the floor.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOwwww!\u201d the gnome cried, its voice muffled. \u201cWhat the hell, Mike?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I peered over the arm of the couch to see the gnome face-down on the wooden floor. I blinked a few times. <\/span>This isn\u2019t real<\/span>, I reminded myself. <\/span>None of this is real<\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll ask again,\u201d the gnome said, still face-down on the floor. \u201cAre you sure?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFuckin\u2019 great,\u201d I said, reaching down to pick the gnome up. \u201cNow you can hear my thoughts as well. What the hell was that shit?\u201d I asked myself, remembering the silky, smooth, slightly sweet taste of the liquid I\u2019d gotten smashed on. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s what the locals call \u2018Silandra,\u2019\u201d the gnome answered after I put him on the roughly hewn coffee table in front of me. \u201cI heard it was a beverage the natives concocted a thousand years ago.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s what you heard, huh?\u201d I asked, deciding to go along with the hallucination. <\/span><\/p>\n

I checked my surroundings beyond the couch. I was in a small bungalow or shack somewhere near the beach. The low roar of ocean waves breaking on the sandbars mixed with the slight rustling of tropical vegetation outside the shack. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd what exactly is this \u2018Silandra\u2019?\u201d I asked after turning my attention back to the gnome. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt lets you talk to the gods,\u201d the gnome said solemly. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you\u2019re God?\u201d I asked. I folded my arms across my chest. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, no,\u201d the gnome replied. \u201cOf course not. You don\u2019t think I\u2019d appear to you as a ceramic garden gnome if I were God, do you?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know. I always heard God reveals himself as all kinds of things. You know, grilled cheese sandwiches, weirdly shaped potato chips, the exhaust manifold of a \u201868 Camaro, that kind of thing.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going to go out on a limb and say the natives probably didn\u2019t believe in that particular \u2018God,\u2019\u201d the gnome said. \u201cTheirs were more like snakes and panthers and all that.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo then what are you? Besides a garden gnome. And besides a figment of my imagination.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe I\u2019m your spirit guide,\u201d the gnome said, its tone suggesting it might very well be correct. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, <\/span>spirit guide<\/span>,\u201d I said sarcastically, \u201chow about guiding me back to the hotel.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNah,\u201d the gnome said. \u201cI\u2019ve got another idea.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGood for you,\u201d I said. I stood up. \u201cTell me all about it after I get back to the hotel. Or tell the walls all about it. I gotta jet. Later.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWait!\u201d the gnome cried as I opened the door to exit the shack. I looked back. \u201cDon\u2019t you want to at least hear my idea?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNot really,\u201d I said with a laugh then walked out into the afternoon sun. <\/span><\/p>\n

The light breeze took away some of the sun\u2019s intense heat. I saw a path leading from the shack toward the beach and another leading into what looked to be dense jungle. The tang of ocean in the air made me close my eyes and take a deep breath. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou should take this path,\u201d the gnome said. <\/span><\/p>\n

I looked down to see it sitting in the middle of the dirt path leading into the jungle. I groaned and turned toward the beach. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, Mike, just humor me,\u201d the gnome said from three feet in front of me. \u201cIt will be worth it, I swear.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cStop doing that,\u201d I growled. \u201cI\u2019m not going anywhere with you.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I kicked the gnome on my way by. It sputtered and spat after landing face-first in the sand. I looked back, expecting to see it struggling to turn over for some reason. My toe banged into the gnome just as I realized it wasn\u2019t where I\u2019d kicked it to. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPlease?\u201d it asked. <\/span><\/p>\n

I reached down and picked the small ceramic statue up. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow about I smash you into a million pieces?\u201d I said, holding it out in front of me. <\/span><\/p>\n

I glanced around to make sure I was alone, though I doubted the locals would be too shocked to see a stupid tourist standing on the beach talking to an invisible person. The alcohol flowed freely on Torina Island, especially on San Elira\u2019s beachfront boardwalk. Even better was the freely-available marijuana that rivaled the best stuff produced back in the States. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou really think that will get rid of me?\u201d the gnome asked. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFine,\u201d I said. \u201cWhat the hell do you want?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTo show you something.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt better not be a fuckin\u2019 camp full of cannibals with a pot of boiling water waiting for me to show up and be the main course,\u201d I said.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry, it\u2019s better than that,\u201d the gnome said. \u201cCome on, into the jungle we go!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThis is stupid,\u201d I said to myself even as my feet propelled me back up the beach and onto the path leading into the thick foliage. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re the one talking to a garden gnome,\u201d it said. I shoved it under my arm and held it against my side. \u201cOof, you stink,\u201d it complained. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah? You think you\u2019d smell so good after a drunken bender on a tropical island?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t have skin or pores or any of that stuff.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOf course you don\u2019t,\u201d I mumbled, careful to step over any stray roots or fallen trees. <\/span><\/p>\n

The jungle quickly became a dense chamber of green and brown. I thought of asking the gnome to conjure me up a machete to hack through the vines and roots that impeded my progress. I stopped for a moment to look back, wondering how such a well-worn path had turned into a nearly impassable blockade of vegetation. I decided against it, sure I\u2019d eventually wake up to find I had used my hand to karate-chop everything while hallucinating it was a machete. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure this goes anywhere?\u201d I asked, pushing another thick cable of vines to the side. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEvery path goes somewhere,\u201d the gnome replied cryptically. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cListen, Confucius,\u201d I said, \u201cI don\u2019t need your zen bullshit. I need a goddamn flamethrower or a sword or something. What I really need is to toss you into the weeds and go back to the hotel.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt will be worth it, I promise,\u201d the gnome said. \u201cBut the easiest paths always lead to the biggest disappointments.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSure,\u201d I said, refusing to get pulled into the gnome\u2019s metaphysical nonsense. <\/span><\/p>\n

The path opened up for a few hundred yards before once again becoming a tangled nightmare of leaves, branches, and roots. I looked up to see where the sun was at, not wanting to still be wandering through the jungle in the dark. The canopy above me blocked out the sun other than a few thin shafts of light that filtered through it. I assumed it was mid-afternoon, but with the deepening gloom as I progressed down the path, I couldn\u2019t be sure. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m never drinking again,\u201d I said to myself after detouring around a pile of rotting logs. \u201cNever smoking weed again either.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut not \u2018never listening to a garden gnome again\u2019?\u201d the gnome asked from my armpit. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cShut up.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJust a little farther,\u201d the gnome promised. <\/span><\/p>\n

Just a little farther<\/span> turned out to be three more hours of slogging through the jungle, first up one hill then down another. Twice I crossed over small streams, and once I nearly crossed paths with something as large as me. I only caught a glimpse of dark but shiny fur then heard the rustle of leaves as it bolted from somewhere off to my left. I stopped for a minute, sniffing the air as if I were a bloodhound, but the gnome reassured me nothing would bother me as long as I stayed on the path. <\/span><\/p>\n

Each time I complained we were getting nowhere and turned around to head back to the hotel, the gnome talked me out of it. I began to worry the effects of the Silandra I\u2019d drank wouldn\u2019t wear off, that I would end up like some of the patients in a mental institution who ate a tab of LSD and never returned from their trip. That worry morphed into concern that the garden gnome was somehow controlling my mind, if only subtly, to keep me moving forward along the path. <\/span><\/p>\n

Sometime later, I assumed an hour but it could have been days for all I knew since the dim jungle seemed to only have a single, uniform level of luminance, I stepped out of the jungle and onto a small, flat disk of grass. The sun was almost directly overhead, which caused me to wonder if I truly had walked for a full day through the jungle since it couldn\u2019t possibly be earlier in the day than when I\u2019d started down the path. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry,\u201d the gnome said. \u201cTime is kind of weird here.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIs that so?\u201d I asked, turning my attention to the small pyramid in the middle of the clearing. \u201cWhere are we?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019re at the thing I wanted to show you!\u201d the gnome said brightly. \u201cSee? It wasn\u2019t that hard, was it?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I checked my hands to make sure I hadn\u2019t imagined them to be machetes. They looked like my hands as far as I could tell. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIn about ten steps, things are going to be\u2026 a little weird. But don\u2019t panic.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I pulled the gnome from under my arm and looked it in the face. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean \u2018weird\u2019?\u201d I asked. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll see.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUh huh,\u201d I said with a sigh. <\/span><\/p>\n

I decided to keep going along with whatever fucked up hallucination I found myself in. I walked toward the stone pyramid, marveling at its condition even though it looked to be even more ancient than the ones I\u2019d visited as a kid in Mexico with my parents. Between step ten and step eleven, something\u2026 shifted. It felt like a mix of me turning over in my sleep and a screen wipe between scenes in a movie. <\/span><\/p>\n

The sky was no longer bright with the afternoon sun. A strange, purple-ish twilight had replaced it, even though the sun was still clearly visible. I heard a rustle behind me and turned to look. My muscles froze at the sight of two very large cats. I didn\u2019t know if they were panthers or jaguars. They prowled along the perimeter of what I assumed was the barrier between the world of sunlight and this new world of twilight. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t worry about them,\u201d the gnome said from where I held it at my side. \u201cThey\u2019re just here to make sure nothing comes out with you when you\u2019re done.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d I asked, unable to take my eyes off the majestic creatures and their shining, ethereal fur. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019ll see.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGoddammit!\u201d I yelled. \u201cGetting tired of you telling me that.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo doubt,\u201d the gnome said with a sniff. \u201cWell?\u201d it asked after I remained rooted in place. \u201cShall we get on with it?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s not gonna be like\u2026 some dudes with war paint and sharp knives waiting for me so they can cut my heart out and offer it to their gods or anything, right?\u201d I asked. <\/span><\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t feel scared, but I figured that had to do with the Siladra more than anything. Anyone in their right mind would be wild with panic by now.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNah,\u201d the gnome said with a chuckle. \u201cYou got to tone down that imagination of yours.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSays the figment of my imagination that led me to a pyramid in a jungle on a Caribbean island,\u201d I said with a shake of my head. \u201cNow I\u2019m talking to myself. I bet I\u2019m standing in the parking lot of the hotel, screaming at children or pissing on everything but imagining this shit.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The gnome guffawed. \u201cThat would be funny as hell!\u201d It coughed then cleared its throat. \u201cWell, maybe not that funny. The local cops aren\u2019t keen on tourists causing trouble.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I nodded as if everything happening was as ordinary as any other day. I resumed my walk toward the pyramid. When I first saw it after entering the clearing, I thought it to be only fifty feet from base to its top. As I approached it, the pyramid seemed to somehow grow smaller. By the time I stood at the bottom step that led to the top, I was sure the pyramid couldn\u2019t be more than twenty feet tall. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPssst,\u201d the gnome whispered loud enough to be heard back at the hotel. \u201cGo on up.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s up there?\u201d I asked, keeping a wary eye on the top just in case an Aztec god or fanged spirit animal were waiting for me. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYour evil twin,\u201d the gnome said, then cackled for a long time at its own joke. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cStay here,\u201d I said, placing the gnome on the first step. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cRoger that,\u201d it said, but I\u2019d already left it behind. <\/span><\/p>\n

I saw the hazy figure before making it to the top step. I paused, unsure of what to do, then once again decided to keep going. I stopped three steps later when I saw my father sitting on a stone bench in the middle of the pyramid\u2019s flat roof. I wasn\u2019t sure if the top of a pyramid was called a \u201croof\u201d or not, but I also wasn\u2019t sure if I was strapped into a straight jacket while rolling around on a padded floor in a state hospital. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHello, Michael,\u201d my father said, slightly raising one hand to wave at me. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBullshit,\u201d I said. \u201cI\u2019m out of here.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, son,\u201d he said after I turned to descend the steps. I tried to block out his voice but the sound of it brought on too many memories. \u201cSit down for a bit.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo fucking way!\u201d I screamed, hearing my voice echo across the clearing. \u201cThis isn\u2019t real! You\u2019re not real! I don\u2019t want to do this anymore!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

My father shook his head, but the way his lips turned up in a smile opened the floodgates holding back my memories of him. It was the same small, knowing grin I remembered from all the times I had played well in my baseball games, showed him the A\u2019s on my homework and report cards, and told him about my first girlfriend. It broke my heart to see it again, to hear his strong, deep, yet soft voice in my ears. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJust for a little while,\u201d he said, patting the bench next to him. \u201cHumor me.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I felt tears streaking down my cheeks as my feet shuffled forward. I wanted the hallucination to end. I didn\u2019t want to talk to a dead man. But I was powerless to do anything other than envelop him in a hug. The unique scent of him, a mix between his shaving cream and deodorant, made my knees buckle. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s okay, Michael,\u201d he whispered, holding me up while I broke down, my body hitching as I sobbed like an infant. \u201cThere\u2019s nothing to be afraid of here.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

He held me for what felt like forever. I didn\u2019t want to let go. I couldn\u2019t let go. I hadn\u2019t been able to touch my father for six years. I suddenly didn\u2019t care if I was hallucinating, bashing in windows during a psychotic rampage while dreaming of being with my father. I didn\u2019t want to let go now. I was afraid if I did, he would become nothing more than a smoky haze that dissipated into the twilight. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s okay,\u201d he said again, then gently pushed me away. \u201cIt\u2019s good to see you, son. You\u2019ve grown up.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I broke down again, unable to resist the sudden surge of emotions that blasted through me. My father smiled at me then helped me sit down on the bench. I wiped my eyes after getting control of myself, but almost lost it again when he put his arm around my shoulder. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWh-why?\u201d I asked. \u201cWhy are you here?\u201d I leaned my head into his shoulder. \u201cWhere are we?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBecause you called for me, and I don\u2019t know,\u201d he said. I leaned back and looked at him, seeing a glint of the twilight sun in his eye and the grin on his face. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI called for you?\u201d I asked once I was sure I wouldn\u2019t start crying again. I couldn\u2019t help it. My hallucination had somehow become more real than reality. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYep,\u201d he said, giving my shoulder a light squeeze.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhen?\u201d I asked. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d he replied. He seemed as puzzled by the question as I was. \u201cAll I saw, or maybe felt, was you standing on a beach. I could almost smell the ocean, almost feel the breeze.\u201d He seemed lost within a memory that he couldn\u2019t quite hold on to. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI think I\u2019m drunk,\u201d I said. \u201cOr on drugs.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cProbably,\u201d Dad replied, as if it were the most likely answer. \u201cBut it doesn\u2019t matter, does it?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI guess not,\u201d I said. I wiped my nose with my forearm then sniffed loudly. \u201cI love you, Dad.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI love you too, Michael,\u201d he said, giving my shoulder another squeeze. \u201cI\u2019m sorry we left you alone.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIs\u2026 is Mom here?\u201d I asked, suddenly hopeful that I would get to see her again. \u201cSharon?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYour mom and sister are fine,\u201d he said. \u201cWe\u2019re together.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTogether? Where are you?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d he answered. \u201cOr maybe I can\u2019t explain it in words that would make sense.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIs it\u2026 heaven?\u201d I asked, afraid of the answer. <\/span><\/p>\n

We\u2019d been a family of atheists, though I couldn\u2019t remember any of us being the types who shoved it in others\u2019 faces or posted our beliefs on social media. We had been a quiet, happy family who toed the line between true atheism and light agnosticism. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, not the type of \u2018heaven\u2019 you\u2019re thinking of,\u201d he said with a laugh. His face grew serious. \u201cI guess it could be. I\u2019ve never really thought about it before now, to be honest.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMichael\u2026 It\u2019s just not something we think about,\u201d he said gently. \u201cWherever we are, we\u2019re happy, content, sometimes amazed. But I can\u2019t explain how or why because it\u2019s so different than this place, the \u2018real\u2019 world that you live in. Concepts such as day, night, food, entertainment, whatever it is we do in our lives, what guides us as we go forward on a physical plane\u2026 They have no meaning for us.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIs it boring?\u201d I asked, unable to imagine what kind of afterworld my mother, father, and sister existed in. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, it\u2019s not boring, but that\u2019s another one of those concepts that doesn\u2019t really have any meaning anymore.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about love?\u201d I asked, remembering all of the minor and major signals that my parents exuded when they were alive that let me know just how much they loved each other. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh yes,\u201d he said, leaning into me for a second. \u201cThat\u2019s one that is, I don\u2019t know, still available to us? I\u2019ve never really thought about any of this until now, so I might not be the best source of answers on this subject.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

His tone, while gentle and respectful, suggested I was wasting whatever time we had by quizzing him over his afterlife experiences. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019s Mom and Sharon?\u201d I asked. I looked around as if my mother and sister would be standing next to me. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re here, but not here,\u201d he said. \u201cWhatever is allowing you and I to have this meeting is too weak to let all three of us through.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhy you, then?\u201d I tensed up at the accusatory tone that I heard in my voice. \u201cI mean, did you guys have to choose or something?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

He grinned and patted me on the back. \u201cThe connection between you and me is stronger than between you and your mom or you and your sister.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I felt like a piece of shit for a few moments. I didn\u2019t want my mother and my sister to think I loved my father more than I loved them. I had always loved them equally, even my rotten, annoying little sister. At least, that\u2019s what I had convinced myself to believe ever since they were taken from me. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThey know you don\u2019t love me more than them,\u201d he said, somehow attuned to my thoughts. \u201cBut you have to admit, you and I had a closer relationship thanks to hockey, baseball, and our love of terrible movies about zombies and black magic cannibals.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

It was my turn to laugh. Memories flooded through me of the times my dad and I had spent an entire afternoon and evening zoned out on movies that made my mom and sister complain loudly about in the background. Dad and I were always teammates in video games, tennis, no matter what we did unless it was an activity that pitted us against each other. It wasn\u2019t like I hadn\u2019t done a ton of activities with my mother and sister either, but Sharon preferred to cry and scream for Mom or Dad when we wrestled, and Mom wasn\u2019t a big fan of most things a young boy\u2014then a teenager\u2014would be into. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAre you guys happy?\u201d I asked, breaking the silence that followed my trip down memory lane. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOf course,\u201d he said. \u201cWhy wouldn\u2019t we be? We\u2019re together, and we\u2019ll always be together.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEven without me?\u201d I asked, unable to stop myself from the sudden flash of jealousy that they\u2019d be happy without me around. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Michael, of course not,\u201d he said, wrapping me up in a tight hug once more. \u201cBut you have to understand that wherever we are, it\u2019s not a question or concern.\u201d He saw the hurt look on my face. \u201cI\u2019m not explaining it right,\u201d he said with a frown. \u201cIt\u2019s like you\u2019re with us even though we know you aren\u2019t, that you\u2019re still here, on this plane of existence. Or it could be that we inherently know that one day, one of your days, anyway, you\u2019ll be with us. We\u2019re together already, but yet we\u2019re waiting for you to join us.\u201d He grunted and shook his head. \u201cI hope that doesn\u2019t sound creepy like I\u2019ve come to steal your life force so you\u2019ll have no choice but to join us.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I laughed. It was funny, and it was exactly how I remembered my father\u2019s sense of humor, but my laugh was mostly to cover the next round of waterworks that I could feel pooling behind my eyes. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s cool,\u201d I said. \u201cI mean, I\u2019d go if I could, but I\u2019m guessing that it\u2019s not my time or some other \u2018fate\u2019 thing that happens to us, right?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

He shrugged. \u201cAnother mystery. But I\u2019m pretty sure you can\u2019t come with me when it\u2019s time to return.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDid it hurt?\u201d I asked, finally blurting out the question I had wanted to ask them for the last six years. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe accident?\u201d he asked. I nodded my head. \u201cI don\u2019t think so. I don\u2019t remember much.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about Mom or Sharon?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

He paused, as if asking them on some sort of interdimensional phone call. \u201cNo, they don\u2019t remember any pain.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWere you frightened?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t think we were frightened either,\u201d he answered after a few seconds. \u201cI remember being curious. There was blood, then fire, then nothing for a while. Then I found your mother. She had already found Sharon. That makes it sound like we were wandering around in a field, but I don\u2019t remember how I found them. Only that I <\/span>did<\/span> find them.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d I said softly. \u201cThat\u2019s been bugging me for six years.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSix years?\u201d he asked absently. \u201cThat\u2019s all it\u2019s been, huh?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, why? Does it seem shorter or longer for you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s another \u2018I don\u2019t know\u2019 answer you probably don\u2019t want to hear. Time is\u2026 it\u2019s a thing, I suppose, but it doesn\u2019t have a lot of meaning for us anymore.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIs that a good thing or a bad thing?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s neither, if that makes any sense.\u201d He glanced at me to see me shake my head. \u201cI didn\u2019t think it would. But it sounds less eerie than me telling you that you\u2019ll find out one day for yourself.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAs long as you don\u2019t use your <\/span>monster voice<\/span>,\u201d I said, sharing a laugh with him at various memories where he\u2019d scare the daylights out of me by surprising me from hiding when I was a kid, then chasing me around while growling in the world\u2019s most evil, terrifying voice. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI hope I can remember that,\u201d he said. \u201cBut I\u2019ve shared it with your mom as best I can just in case. At least we\u2019ll have those memories for the here and now if they fade once this window, or portal, or whatever it is closes.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDo you guys miss it?\u201d I asked in a low voice. \u201cLife, I mean. You know.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d he said. He frowned when saw my face cloud over. \u201cDon\u2019t take it like that. Sitting here in this wherever place, I miss you so much, Michael, that I don\u2019t have words for it. I can feel your sister and your mother\u2019s sense of loss, of grief that you\u2019re alone, though those emotions are unfamiliar to us now. I think it\u2019s this place that allows us to experience things we\u2019ve long forgotten or no longer need. But our loss and grief is only temporary, of that I\u2019m sure. It too will fade once this link closes.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

He gripped my jaw lightly and turned my head to look him in the eyes. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cRemember,\u201d he said in his most serious <\/span>Dad voice<\/span>, \u201ceverything that means something here\u2026 it\u2019s unnecessary where we are. I\u2019m sorry I can\u2019t explain it better than that. The only thing that comes even somewhat close to a fraction of a fraction of the physical plane is \u2018peace.\u2019 Maybe \u2018love and peace,\u2019 but I\u2019d feel more comfortable sticking solely with \u2018peace.\u2019\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGood,\u201d I whispered. \u201cI\u2019ve been torn up inside since you, uh, you know.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know. I don\u2019t know how I know, but I know. Even if it\u2019s meaningless to know in our world, I know.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about Grandma and Grandpa Donaldson?\u201d I asked, my brain suddenly curious if they were able to hang out (or whatever it was they did) with other members of our family who had also passed on. \u201cGrandma and Grandpa Keller? Uncle Rick?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

My father stood up. He stared down at me until I rose from the bench. He put his hand on my shoulder, then pulled me in for a hug. I felt the tears burst from my eyes once again. I somehow knew it was time for him to go. I dug my fingers into his shirt and told myself I would never let go. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cListen to me, Michael,\u201d he said in my ear. \u201cYou have to let go of me, of us. Just for a while.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t,\u201d I said through sobs. \u201cI won\u2019t. I don\u2019t want you to go, Daddy,\u201d I blubbered, suddenly four years old again. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou must,\u201d he whispered. He pushed me away gently, my fingers slipping through the ghostly material of his shirt. \u201cI\u2019m sorry we never got to say goodbye, Michael. But you have to let us go for now and get on with your life. I love you, son.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

He stepped away from me. I fell to my knees, unfeeling and uncaring about the hard jolt I felt from the ancient concrete. My father took another step back, then one to the side, his corporeal form fading in the twilight. I blinked once, then twice as I saw another ghostly shape begin to materialize beside him. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMomma\u2026\u201d I wailed, my hands reaching out to her as if I were a baby and needed her to pick me up off the floor. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMichael,\u201d my mother said softly, her voice floating on the light breeze. <\/span><\/p>\n

Her form became solid for a few seconds, long enough for her to kneel before me and place her hand on my cheek. The feel of her touch jolted me as if I\u2019d been struck by lightning. My brain spun up into overdrive as every emotion I had ever felt toward her crashed into various memories of her as they zoomed around inside my head. The scent of her hair, of her skin, the \u201cMom perfume\u201d that she always wore, all of it exploded within me at once and I closed my eyes to savor it for as long as I could. <\/span><\/p>\n

I opened my eyes in time to see her dissipate in the breeze. Sharon stood in front of me, her form shimmering as if she hadn\u2019t mastered how to make herself solid like my mother and father had. She smiled then looked down at her right hand. I followed her gaze, feeling a million more emotions erupt within me as she ever so slowly flipped me the bird. I\u2019d taught her how to hold her fingers when she was seven and I was nine. My mother threatened to send me to a boy\u2019s reformatory after Sharon ratted me out when she was caught doing it. Dad had given me his most unfriendly expression and a shake of his head, but years later we had a good laugh about it\u2014though my mother never once admitted she thought it was funny. <\/span><\/p>\n

I reached out to her, taking her hand in mine. I felt a hum through our tenuous physical-metaphysical connection, as if she were a high-voltage power line. I rose from my knees and hugged her before she could disappear like my mother had. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI love you, Mikey,\u201d she said, her voice fading along with her physical form. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI love you, Sharon,\u201d I whispered to the last wisp of my sister. <\/span><\/p>\n

I sat on the bench for a while, my thoughts shuffling through everything that had just happened. I looked up at the twilight sun at some point, but it remained where it had been stationed since I\u2019d arrived. Some time later, I decided I had better get back to the hotel, to my life. When I reached the bottom of the pyramid, the gnome still sat where I\u2019d placed it. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re alive!\u201d it exclaimed, as if it had expected me to be consumed by demons from another dimension. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cEat shit,\u201d I said without looking at it as I stepped off the pyramid and walked toward the path leading into the jungle. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGee, you aren\u2019t even going to thank me?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I turned and rushed to the pyramid, a scream of rage erupting from my throat. I picked up the gnome and threw it as hard as I could against the ancient stone. I could have sworn I heard it both giggle and scream in pain when it shattered, but that was nothing compared to the explosion of blinding, paralyzing pain in my head the moment it broke into a thousand shards. <\/span><\/p>\n

I turned and ran toward the jungle, my head a burning magnesium flare, the two large cats now appearing in triplicate. I stumbled down the path and into the jungle, neither cat doing more than sniffing the air as I passed by. I ran blindly through a jungle now consumed by darkness. I heard a growl, then a loud roar, then the sounds of animals clashing in mortal combat. I turned my head back, afraid they were pursuing me, only to trip on an exposed root. My world went as dark as the jungle the instant my head connected with the dirt. <\/span><\/p>\n

\n

*****<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

\u201cGoddammit, Michael!\u201d Tara screamed at me. I felt a foot kick me in the back. \u201cWake up, goddammit!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I grunted and opened my eyes. My girlfriend\u2019s shoes were a foot from my head. She saw me wake up and kicked me again, this time in the thigh. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sick of your shit, Michael! Where the fuck were you? Why does this always happen?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Her torrent of shouted accusations pierced my eardrums as if they were nails being driven in with a hammer. I suffered a few more kicks before she fell to her knees in the sand and began striking me in the chest with her fists. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re a fucking loser, Mike! I\u2019m done with you when we get home!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cStop,\u201d I croaked, attempting to get my hands up just in case she decided to hit me in the face a few times. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI swear to god, Michael Keller, I\u2019m going to fucking leave you right here on this beach in a pile of your own fucking puke.\u201d She began to cry, her hands no longer doing their best to pummel me with furious blows. \u201cAll you do is get wasted and then disappear for days at a time!\u201d she sobbed. \u201cI can\u2019t take it anymore. You can\u2019t even stay sober on a trip where you\u2019re supposed to dry out!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d I said, then spit out the sand that had lodged itself in my mouth. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re always sorry,\u201d she said with resignation. \u201cThat\u2019s all you do is apologize. I\u2019m done with it. I\u2019m done with you. I want to go home.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat day is it?\u201d I asked. I attempted to sit up but only made it high enough to get an elbow under me. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cJesus Christ. What day is it? It\u2019s fucking Thursday, you asshole!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I blinked a few times. My last coherent memory was Tuesday night at the beachside barbecue. I mentally retraced my steps until I arrived at the part where I had drank half a bottle of what I\u2019d thought was absinthe. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow long have I been asleep?\u201d I asked groggily. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow the hell should I know?\u201d she yelled, taking a last shot at my chest with her fist. \u201cYou disappeared for almost two days! I\u2019ve been going fucking crazy! Everyone at the hotel has been going crazy!\u201d She stopped screaming at me long enough to get control of her tears. \u201cWe thought you were dead!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI think I was,\u201d I mumbled, my mind latching on to the pyramid, the jungle cats\u2026 my father. My family. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not funny!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

I clutched her shoulder then lifted myself up into a sitting position. I tried to wrap my arms around her but she resisted. When I wouldn\u2019t let go, she relented, but refused to do anything more than soak my already damp shirt with more tears. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry, Tara,\u201d I said in her ear. \u201cI\u2019m really fucked up inside.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

She pushed me away hard enough that I fell backward into the sand. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t get to use that excuse anymore,\u201d she said in a cold, emotionless voice. \u201cI get it, your parents and your sister died in a car crash just after they\u2019d called you. I totally get it. I\u2019d be fucked up too, but Jesus Christ, Michael, it\u2019s been six fucking years. All you\u2019ve done in that time is try to kill yourself.\u201d She took a deep breath. \u201cIf you want to kill yourself, just do it quickly, okay? I can\u2019t take anymore of this slow suicide. I can\u2019t let you take me down with you, and that\u2019s exactly what\u2019s happening. I can\u2019t watch you do this to yourself anymore, no matter how much I love you.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Tara stood, glaring down at me for a few seconds, then turned to walk away. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cStop!\u201d I said as loud as I could muster. \u201cPlease. Stop.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Her feet came to a halt but she didn\u2019t turn around, didn\u2019t even turn her head back to look at me. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry. I know \u2018sorry\u2019 isn\u2019t good enough. I\u2026 I promise I\u2019m done.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t believe you,\u201d she said, still refusing to face me. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know. I don\u2019t blame you. But something\u2026 I don\u2019t know. Something happened this time, when I blacked out or whatever I did. I don\u2019t know how to explain it, but I think I\u2026 I don\u2019t know. I\u2019m at peace now, I guess. I\u2019m ready to move on.\u201d I picked myself up off the beach and walked to her, wrapping my arms around her from behind. \u201cWith you. Without their ghosts and my regrets.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t believe you,\u201d she whispered. I felt her body trembling against mine, then a tear as it rolled from her cheek onto my arm. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know. I don\u2019t blame you. So do what you feel you have to do to be happy. If that\u2019s without me, I understand.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Tara turned around within my prison of arms. Her piercing stare made me uncomfortable, but I held her gaze to let her know I was serious. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat happened?\u201d she asked. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d I answered. She tried to pull away, as if I were going to continue to lie instead of telling her the truth. \u201cHonest, I don\u2019t know how to explain it,\u201d I said, keeping her locked up. \u201cBut something happened. That\u2019s all I know. It\u2019s probably just the absinthe or whatever it was I drank, but I guess I just finally dealt with all of it. I\u2019m sorry I ran off and left you hanging.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou left me all alone on goddamn island in the middle or nowhere, you asshole,\u201d she growled. \u201cI thought you were dead!\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou said that already,\u201d I said, hoping the grin on my face wasn\u2019t too flippant. \u201cI\u2019m sorry. I really am.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re an asshole.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd you don\u2019t know what happened to you? You just got shitfaced then ran off into the jungle and had a vision, then wandered back to the beach so you could pass out in the sand?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSomething like that,\u201d I said, feeling my heart lurch in my chest at the last few moments of my time at the top of the pyramid. The touch, the smell, the sound of their voices made me close my eyes involuntarily and relive the memory as if it had just happened seconds earlier. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMichael?\u201d she asked. I opened my eyes. \u201cAre you okay?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d I said, then kissed her on the forehead. \u201cI am. Do you want me to escort you to the airport so you can go home, or\u2026?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re an asshole,\u201d she said again. Her lips met mine for the briefest of seconds before she too was gone. \u201cWell, are you coming?\u201d she asked from a few feet away. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSure,\u201d I said cheerily, ordering my brain to put my feet in motion. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t forget your stupid garden gnome,\u201d she said, her eyes focused on something behind me.<\/span><\/p>\n

I looked back and nearly fell down from the wave of deja vu that rolled over me. The garden gnome was in the dirt, head-down, buried up to its waist. I walked over to it and bent down to pick it up. I thought I heard the faintest of giggles from it, but it was just the wind. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhere\u2019d you steal that stupid thing from anyway?\u201d Tara asked, hands on her hips as she waited for me to catch up. <\/span><\/p>\n

I pulled it from the sand and returned to where she stood. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cFrom my spirit guide,\u201d I said with a wink.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re an asshole,\u201d she repeated once again, but this time she slid her fingers through mine before pulling me along toward the hotel. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

SPIRIT GUIDE \u201cHey, mate,\u201d a familiar voice said from my left. I looked over to see the garden gnome sitting on the arm of the couch. A sigh escaped me after I blinked my eyes a few times. \u201cGreat,\u201d I … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[7],"tags":[168,506,763,760,762,765,526,33,442,34,764,95,761],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1355"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1355"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1355\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1410,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1355\/revisions\/1410"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1355"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1355"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.angrygames.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1355"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}